Friday, December 16, 2011 at 5:09AM Making Marriage a Priority When You're Busy
One of the questions I've seen come up most over the past couple weeks, as the Christmas season has kicked into high gear, is how to keep one's marriage and relationship a priority during the busiest time of the year. It's tough. I can relate.
Keith's workload recently has been off the charts. There is not enough time in his day to get everything done. I've mentioned before that our way of ending each day is to ask two questions, "What was your high? What was your low?" This allows us to gain insight into how we perceived our workday that just concluded. On Tuesday night, I asked these questions as usual but for the first time, he couldn't think of a high. Not that there weren't any, he was just too exhausted to think.
So Wednesday I decided to carve as much time out of my day as possible to do some special things for him. Simple things I knew would mean alot to him. I was feeling really good about myself and what I'd done that day for my hubby. That was until I was stopped dead in my tracks. I realized the reason these things were so "special" was because it had been so long since I'd done them. I'd somehow allowed the busyness of life to compete with our relationship.
So I write this to you (and myself) as a reminder to keep your (my) marriage first and foremost even through this holiday season. There are little ways you (I) can do this and many I've already begun and encourage you to do the same. None of the items on this brief list will take much time to complete but will make a world of difference in letting your husband know he is priority #1 no matter how busy you both may be:
1. Make a concerted effort to speak your husband's love language...fluently. If you don't know what that means, definitely read my blog post from earlier this week: I Missed! If you aren't sure what your husband's love language is then definitely have him take this online assessment test (it will only take a couple minutes and it's free). Knowing his love language will allow you to relate to him on the deepest and most meaningful level possible...for him.
2. Send him off for the day with a word of encouragement. Even if you leave for work first in the morning, make sure to slow down that moment before heading out the door long enough to pause and leave your hubby with an encouraging word. Because of our spiritual connection, the most encouraging thing I can say to Keith as he's walking out the door is, "Honey, I'm going to begin praying for your day the moment I close this door." I give him a kiss, tell him "Knock em' dead," close the door behind him, and then I pray for his day. It means the world to him to know I am praying for him and that God always answers my prayers.
3. Greet him with an engaged kiss when he returns from work or when you return (if you get home later). The reason I use the term "engaged kiss" is more recently I found myself continuing to work once Keith got home (I work from home) and so he'd come in and I'd barely look up from the computer. I'd greet him with a kiss, but he'd have to come to me because I was too busy typing. Close the laptop, push back from the computer, get up and wrap your arms around him and welcome him home. I know, I get it, you're busy. Me too. But this is so important and will only take a couple minutes.
4. Learn the art of the quickie. Yep! You read that right. I don't talk too much about sex on here because I leave that to the experts (which I'm certainly not). But this much I know, making love keeps us connected. There is a special bond that happens when two people literally become one, fully connected. I won't say much more as we'll definitely be going into more graphic territory than I'd like. BUT, there is a book I LOVE called Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman, and he goes into detail about the psychology of a man and why quickies can be just as important as passionate, love making sessions. It amp'd up our sex life years ago and I highly recommend it. But for now, until you have time to read it, just know a 'quickie' is much ado about something and it's worth your while during this busy season.
5. And last but not least, check in with him at the end of each day. Don't let a day pass where you don't at least have some insight into his day. A great way to do this are the two questions I mentioned earlier, "What was your high? What was your low?" I've found these two questions to be far more effective than, "How was your day?" The latter can be easily answered by any number of one-worded answers: fine, good, okay, etc. But these two questions, when answered, will let you know how you can best comfort him at the end of his day. Do you celebrate with him or do you console him?
If you add up the time it will take you to complete all of the five things listed above, we're talking about less than an hour, and realistically, they're broken up into increments of 15-20 minutes each. You can find an hour spread out throughout your day. I know you don't think you can because there's so much on your plate. But think of it this way, when the holidays are over, do you want your relationship with your husband to be stronger or weaker? If your answer is the former, make the time, find the hour. You can do it.
QUESTION: If you could add one thing to this list, what would it be? What one thing do you do to ensure your marriage remains a priority during busy times? Please share your thoughts with us below.
Until Monday...make it a great weekend!
Reader Comments (32)
A hot meal! If that's something your husband enjoys. My hubby feels a lot better after he gets home and eats a home cooked dinner:-)
Mine too! Except mine is usually take out. I know, I know, I've been working on that :).
Love it! wonderful Ideas Fawn.
hmmm what to add...i would say one thng i try to do when he's working aa lot is to text and email him throughout the day thanking him for working so hard and so much for our family. as much as i hate it when he has to work a ton and we barely get to see each other i know he does too! not only is he working and being tired by that but he barely gets to see me or our son! so i make sure i notice and let him know i notice what a great job he's doing!!!
also I try to be sure i'm in a good mood when he gets home. it's hard being home all day every day with out him, and so its easy to get all grumpy by the end of the day, but I try to be sure i've delt with all that before he walks through the door so i can greet him with a smile! AND a kiss ;)
i need to work on some of the others you mentioned though!!! great post! thanks for sharing your insight fawn!!!
sorry for all the typos and lack of capitol letters. sleepy baby in one arm. typing with the other ;)
Paula, That's a skill! Typing with one hand with a sleepy baby in the other. Your suggestion is such a great one! I can just imagine the smile on his face when he gets a text or email from you thanking him for working so hard to provide for your family and to make sure your newborn has a bright future ahead. Thanks for sharing!
Including him in the gift giving decision making. I do more of the shopping than he does -- he works 60 hours a week after all... but I text and ask questions as I shop. He knows what the kids will unwrap Christmas morning -- BEFORE they do!
We also make a point of having a date day in December. It's mostly to shop for the kids' Christmas books (my all time favorite gift giving tradition), but I won't do that without him. It's a gift from both our hearts to our kids. It's my favorite day of the whole month!!! (This year he was post-call and running on three hours sleep. He still managed to be engaged in the tradition, just had me do the driving)
Our Pastor just bought all the young(ish) married couples the book Sheet Music.
Just finished reading it. It was REALLY insightful.
Thanks for the reminder to make marriage a priority.
Angela