I Missed!

By Fawn Weaver on Tuesday, December 13, 2011

This funny scene from Daddy Day Care (the first movie Keith and I saw together while dating :) ) was the first thing that came to mind the other night after Keith and I took the Love Language assessment test based on the book, The 5 Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman.  Although this book has been #1 on the New York Times Bestsellers List for more weeks over the past few years than I can count, for some reason, I never felt compelled to purchase it.  Maybe I thought it was a bunch of hype because it was so popular.

That was until a week ago when I asked the readers of this Club to share the one book that has influenced your marriage the most and nearly 90% of you stated this book.  That was all I needed to convince me this book should make its way onto my bookshelf (after being read, of course).  But before the book arrived, I decided it would be fun for Keith and I to take the online assessment test.

Previously, we’d self diagnosed our love languages based on a synopsis of the book.  We determined we both spoke the same love language, Physical Touch.  And if you read my blog post from Friday, you know I diagnosed myself pretty well because on a scale of 0-to-12, I was an 11 in this category.  Unfortunately, my diagnosing of Keith’s love language wasn’t nearly as precise.

He and I both guessed his love language was also physical touch.  And really, for what man is it not?  Or so I thought…  Imagine my surprise when he took the test and on a scale of 0-to-12 his score for Physical Touch was an 5.  His love language is: Words of Affirmation.

How could I have missed that?  For 8 1/2 years I’ve missed this.  It was actually quite plain to see.  At least once a week when I’d say, “I love you,” he’d follow that up with, “Why?”  I always shrugged off that question because I’d answered it so many times it seemed silly.  But now I understand.  Answering the “why” was giving him the words of affirmation he so desired.  He may not have known how to express his need or desire, but he knew to ask, “Why?”

That’s why this video came to mind when I learned of his Love Language.  I Missed!  And I mean big time.  All over the wall and on the ceiling like the little boy in this movie scene.  So the last few days I’ve been taking more time to affirm him with my words.  To not only tell him how much I love him, but why I love him.  It’s not good enough to tell him that I appreciate him.  I need to articulate why.

I may have missed in this area before…but not anymore.  I’m making it my mission to learn my husband’s love language better.  And to speak it fluently.

What about you?  Do you know your love language?  What about your husband’s? If you don’t, I can’t encourage you enough to take the assessment test.  It’s free and it may give you additonal insight into the mind of your husband (and really, don’t we all need that, at least a little bit). 

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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P.S. Your comments are always welcome.  I love continuing the conversation long after I’ve posted the day’s topic.  Thanks!

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today® and New York Times® bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 750,000 women in over 110 countries around the world. When she’s not blogging or working on her next project, she's happily doting over her husband of nearly eleven years, Keith.

 

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  • http://www.hopefulfuture.blogspot.com paula

    I'm so glad you brought up this book/test! my husband and I took the test earlier on in our marriage, but I have since forgotten both of our results! We have both changed a lot in the last 3 years though, so I wouldn't be surprised if our results were different now anyway…

    looking forward to taking it again soon when he gets home from work!

    and about "missing" keith's…. well, at least now you know, and I"m sure you were givin him some words of affirmation without even realizing it. don't feel bad. You talk about him all the time on here and how much you love and appreciate him is so inspiring! If you even just let him read your blog I'm sure he know s and feels loved <3

  • Fawn Weaver

    Thanks, Paula. Yes, he reads my blog so that's good :) . I also tell him daily (well, really multiple times a day :) ) how much I love and appreciate him. I just can't believe I didn't know his love language. It's so funny because he's been teasing me ever sense he took the test and pretending his feelings are hurt. He'll look at me with puppy eyes and say, "And you didn't even know my love language and I've been speaking to you in that language for almost a decade…" He's so silly! Thanks, Paula.

  • http://homeschoolingandotheradventures.blogspot.com Kristi

    You've inspired me to take the test myself. I don't want to "miss"… ; )

  • Fawn Weaver

    Awesome, Kristi! I'm starting the book today so I'll let you know how it goes but the online assessment was more than enough to get me started. And to open my eyes to making sure I'm loving my husband as he most desires to be loved.

  • Christy Joy

    I assumed my husbands was physical touch too! I still think it is but irony wanna miss either:-) we're taking the test tonight!

  • Christy Joy

    Oops, that's, "I don't wanna miss either."

  • http://www.whitneybryson.com/ Whitney

    Great post! Such a funny clip, haha.

  • Fawn Weaver

    @Christy Joy- I was wondering what "irony" had to do with your statement. LOL! Thanks for clearing that up :) . @Whitney- I laugh every time I think about it. Such a funny clip!

  • http://www.mamamiasheart2heart.com MiaB

    Great post. I agree, it is very important to let our husbands know of our love for them. we need to get this book!!!

    ~MiaB

  • Fawn Weaver

    @MiaB- I'm so happy I'm not the only one who hasn't read this book! I was starting to think I might be the only one :) .

  • http://Www.encourageyourspouse.com Lori

    Congratulations! You've got the "goods" to move forward now – and it's only a few years in. .. My parents in law took the assessment – and they were married 50 years at that time – and found out they didn't know each others love language! (they were really excited to discover a new way to connect). It doesn't matter when we learn – it's just important to DO something with the info!

    My love language is words of affirmation and my hubby's is quality time. It works for us because he's such a positive person I always feel affirmed, so I love to talk with him – and he's happy because we're spending time talking! It's beautiful the way God works!

  • http://thelonghaulproject.com Melissa

    Discovering our love languages had a big impact on our marriage. Of all the things we've learned as we've worked on our relationship, this one really stands out. Using my partner's love language felt like a relatively easy adjustment, but the impact was huge. I hope your blog introduces more people to this great tool because it can make such a difference to how couples relate to each other.

  • Evette

    So going to do the assessment!

  • Fawn Weaver

    @Evette- Yes, definitely do it! You'll be so glad you did. @Melissa- I'm so happy to know yet another wife who swears by this book. I can't wait to continue reading it this weekend. @Lori- I love that your languages perfectly compliment each other. Such a blessing! Thank you all for taking the time to not only read but to comment on this blog post. I greatly appreciate it :) .

  • http://www.fitmomsfitkidsclub.com Annett@ FitMomsFitKidsClub

    Love it! This is a book we always recommend to couples we counsel. So, many times we assume we know…or even worse, we put our love language off on them. We treat them how we want to be treated, but we don't give them the type of love they really desire/long for. I was SOOOOOO wrong too on my hubby's list. I mean I think I had 3 things completely out of order. But, I'd also like to mention that people do change over time as they mature, and priorities change, and circumstances change in life. My husband's answers today are different than they were many moons ago when we first took the assessment and read the book. So I highly recommend doing it again every 5-10 years or so. :)

  • http://www.everylittleblessing.com Shelby @ Every Little Blessing

    That book is such a powerful relationship tool! It has really helped my husband and I understand each other better. I'm so glad y'all are getting to experience it together!

  • http://www.everylittleblessing.com Shelby @ Every Little Blessing

    Also wanted to let you know that I nominated Happy Wives Club for a blog award/meme today. You can get the info at http://everylittleblessing.com/?p=218 if you'd like to participate. You are so generous with your comments — thank you for being such an amazing encourager!

  • Fawn Weaver

    @Annett-That's such a god point! I'd never thought about the fact that as our priorities change so does our love language. I though this was similar to personality tests that pretty much stay the same over the years. If you're INFJ (as I have been pretty much since I first took the Meyers-Briggs test 15 years ago). That makes me feel better. Maybe his love language was Physical Touch at one point (or at least I can keep telling myself that :) ). @Shelby- I love that you said ya'll. We don't get enough of that in LA unless we're watching Paula Deen on television :) .

  • Coral Russell

    I've never heard of this book. But my hubby is a romantic and we read books to each other. :-)

  • Fawn Weaver

    @Coral- What's so interesting is this book has been on the NY Times Bestsellers list for 226 weeks and is still #1. I haven't read it yet but I finally received it in the mail and plan on enjoying it this weekend. Since your hubby is a romantic, this may be a great book to read to each other and take the assessment to see how well you know each other's love languages.

  • Angie

    Wow! Thanks for the link to the assessment. We have had the book for our entire marriage but we sort of just read the key premise of each love language. In 9 1/2 years, we always thought that I was words of affirmation and that he was physical touch. (Actually, my husband jokes that I am ALL the love languages, haha! He goes, "But you wants affection, quality time, gifts, kind words, AND for me to take out the trash and wash your car!") But it turns out that I am quality time with a acts of service as a close second and he is words of affirmation with physical touch as a secondary!!! Fascinating. He says I'm really good at building him up with my words and I think he's really good at acts of service (which my dad and grandpa were good at as well). The quality time is a challenge with two kids but something we wants to work on since it's my primary love language. Got to love spending time with your hubby!

  • https://drchoneydew.wordpress.com/ drchoneydew

    o cripe…married for years..LOL never took the test..lets see if i can get him to take it…like Fawn i would bet PHYSICAL even in his 60's LOL but yaz never know..i could be wrong..if i am ..i'll letchya know..hehe

    Great meeting you

    Brenda

  • Fawn Weaver

    @Angie- I'm happy to know I'm not the only once who guessed wrong on my hubby's love language. The funny thing is how they guess wrong on their own! @drchoneydew- Physical Touch as a love language in his 60's would be awesome! :) Gotta love our hubbies.