Marriage Mondays: A Refreshing Boost to Your Marriage {& Link Up}

By Fawn Weaver on Monday, April 1, 2013

Refreshing Boost to Your Marriage

How often do you refresh your marriage?  By refresh, I mean a conscious decision to check in with your spouse about your marriage and then initiate a rebooting or cache-clearing of sorts (just as you might your computer).

There are so many similarities I’ve found among the happily married couples I’ve interviewed over the years and one of my favorites is their consistency in beginning each day anew.  They do not take for granted that the love they shared yesterday will be enough to carry them through today.  Grateful for their spouse and all they do, and sharing that with them on a daily basis, seems to be a staple in happy households.

On the flip side, one of the greatest similarities I’ve seen among unhappy couples is forgetting that -just like a computer- a marriage must be refreshed regularly to perform optimally.  Now, I realize It might seem a bit odd to compare marriage to a computer, but between my internet start-up company and the Happy Wives Club I’m on my computer more than 85 hours per week, so I spend more time online than I do off.

So what does a rebooting or refreshing look like offline?  Early each morning, Keith and I carve out about an hour to sit with one another and enjoy a cup of coffee (him) and tea (me) to talk about anything that comes to mind.  During this daily engagement, we check in with one another and ensure we are supporting each other in the best way possible.  

As you can imagine, it is often difficult to set this time aside but we have experienced its positive impact in our marriage so we’ve learned the importance of making the time.  It serves as our daily “refresh.”  Then once a week, we shut down all our business dealings for our day of rest.  It is on this day weekly that we do a full reboot

If there was anything we were disappointed with (either in one another or in separate aspect of our lives) that we had not shared earlier in the week, we make sure to share it on this day.  If we need greater support in the upcoming week (or felt as though we didn’t get the amount of support we needed in the previous week), this is the time to talk about it.  

The ups, the downs, the good and the not-so-great -every week, like clockwork- we share it with one another.  We bottle nothing inside or sweep anything under the rug.  And we’ve found one of the best times to have challenging conversations is during this period of renewal.  We exhibit a greater amount of patience and more quickly find ourselves on the same page when our discussion is not rushed. 

So go ahead, try refreshing your marriage daily and rebooting it weekly for a nice boost to your marital relationship.  

QUESTION: So tell us, what do you do to refresh your marriage? (NEW: You can now leave comments on this page – just scroll down and click the Comments button)

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Marriage Mondays

Happy Wives Club

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today® and New York Times® bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 900,000 women in over 110 countries around the world. When she’s not blogging or working on her next project, she's happily doting over her husband of nearly eleven years, Keith.

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  • Ngina Otiende

    I love your thoughts on daily refreshing and weekly rebooting, Fawn. My husband and I have a “wind down” time every evening and at least once a week. It’s so true, marriages need that intentional connection. Without it and as one reader recently commented on my blog “things begin to feel gray”. Wonderful thoughts.

    • Happy Wives Club™

      LOVE this, Ngina!! The “wind down” time. That sounds so lovely. Makes me want to wind down now… :)

  • Heart of the Home

    My husband and I divorced on our 19th Wedding anniversary,, but that was not Gods plan for us,,that was us being worldly..But God did not give up on us..he gave us a new love (refreshed) for each other,,and with in a yr he had restored our marriage and our family.. and one of the things we learned from that past life..(lol) is …

    the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same result.. When we remarried,,we needed to learn a NEW way to solve our issues.. we need to look at each other in a NEW way,,and respond to each other in a new way..

    And we just celebrated 28 yrs of marriage last month.. and every day is a new, refreshing day of our lives.. God didnt create a perfect marriage for us,,we are not perfect spouses,,but we do ReNEW and Refresh our faith in the Lord each and every day ♥

    • Happy Wives Club™

      Love, love, LOVE hearing stories like this! Stories of redemption and what marriage can be if well remove our selffishness from the equation and allow only love to remain. This is awesome! Thanks for sharing.

  • Kim Hall

    I think your analogy of a marriage and rebooting a computer is a great one!
    Your point about having time to discuss especially difficult or thorny issues is important, as well as being honest with one another.

    While my hubbie and I are not as regularly intentional as you and Keith, we take long walks as often as we can. These are times to chat, brainstorm, whine and laugh. There is something about the rhythm of a long walk along a quiet road that encourages conversation.

    • Happy Wives Club™

      This is so true. Keith and I definitely love the long walks and chats. You’re right in that there is something special about the rhythm of a long walk that encourages great conversation.

  • Lauren Lawson

    Love this Fawn! Something J and I do is a constant communication about our expectations. We don’t have an exact time we set side for this. We just practice it everyday. We don’t always succeed, but we do try. This is so important. We also take some time every Saturday and do something together.

    • Happy Wives Club™

      Thanks, Lauren! I can imagine you must look forward to Saturday every week. I certainly look forward to our one day of rest. It renews me like none other. Thanks for stopping by and posting a note :) .

  • Nan

    I am so excited! I can now comment on your blog! I could never figure out how to do it before, lol!

    Loved your post. We will be celebrating 30 years of marrage soon. As you said, it’s important to set aside time to talk. Communication is important! We also do “fun” little things for each other on occassion to surprise one another. Nothing expensive, it can be as simple as writing a loving note or buying a favorite snack.

    We talk on the phone every day, at least once. Not long as he’s busy (and so am I) but just to take a moment to say hello, I love you and how’s your day going? I think it’s “romantic,” lol! I just love hearing his voice, even though I know he’ll be home in a few hours, lol! Thank you for hosting today! :)

    • Happy Wives Club™

      Yeah!! Yes, it was definitely complicated to comment before. The blogging platform we were on had a terrible commenting system so that’s a part of why we built this new site on our own server. It feels so good to be able to communicate with you. Thanks for stopping by, Nan, and double thank you for posting a comment :) .