How often do you refresh your marriage? By refresh, I mean a conscious decision to check in with your spouse about your marriage and then initiate a rebooting or cache-clearing of sorts (just as you might your computer).
There are so many similarities I’ve found among the happily married couples I’ve interviewed over the years and one of my favorites is their consistency in beginning each day anew. They do not take for granted that the love they shared yesterday will be enough to carry them through today. Grateful for their spouse and all they do, and sharing that with them on a daily basis, seems to be a staple in happy households.
On the flip side, one of the greatest similarities I’ve seen among unhappy couples is forgetting that -just like a computer- a marriage must be refreshed regularly to perform optimally. Now, I realize It might seem a bit odd to compare marriage to a computer, but between my internet start-up company and the Happy Wives Club I’m on my computer more than 85 hours per week, so I spend more time online than I do off.
So what does a rebooting or refreshing look like offline? Early each morning, Keith and I carve out about an hour to sit with one another and enjoy a cup of coffee (him) and tea (me) to talk about anything that comes to mind. During this daily engagement, we check in with one another and ensure we are supporting each other in the best way possible.
As you can imagine, it is often difficult to set this time aside but we have experienced its positive impact in our marriage so we’ve learned the importance of making the time. It serves as our daily “refresh.” Then once a week, we shut down all our business dealings for our day of rest. It is on this day weekly that we do a full reboot.
If there was anything we were disappointed with (either in one another or in separate aspect of our lives) that we had not shared earlier in the week, we make sure to share it on this day. If we need greater support in the upcoming week (or felt as though we didn’t get the amount of support we needed in the previous week), this is the time to talk about it.
The ups, the downs, the good and the not-so-great -every week, like clockwork- we share it with one another. We bottle nothing inside or sweep anything under the rug. And we’ve found one of the best times to have challenging conversations is during this period of renewal. We exhibit a greater amount of patience and more quickly find ourselves on the same page when our discussion is not rushed.
So go ahead, try refreshing your marriage daily and rebooting it weekly for a nice boost to your marital relationship.
QUESTION: So tell us, what do you do to refresh your marriage? (NEW: You can now leave comments on this page – just scroll down and click the Comments button)
Until tomorrow…make it a great day!