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5 Special Gifts for National Husband’s Day

Wednesday, January 21st, 2015

On January 22, 2014, we sponsored an unofficial new holiday: National Husband’s Day. A special day set aside for the nearly 1 million women in the Happy Wives Club community to celebrate our husbands.

Initially, my hope was we’d be able to get a government official to proclaim the day on our behalf. Our team began working on that and quickly realized the many complications of getting a date named as a holiday officially. But who needs official?

National Peanut Butter Day is one of my absolute favorite holidays. No government official has yet to recognize that officially but that doesn’t stop me from indulging in a few more spoonfuls of that tasty stuff just at the mention of its national holiday.

So let’s celebrate our special day together!

To make it easy, we’ve come up with 5 special (and free) gifts you can give your husband today to commemorate the occasion.

1. Print this certificate. If you didn’t get a chance to print this off last year, you may still want to print it now to let your husband know you’re a proud member of this club and because of his love, you’ve sponsored this day honoring him. This is the original sponsorship certificate so it includes the original 2014 date. Here is one dated for 2015.

2. Customize this proclamation. If you printed the above certificate last year as one of the original sponsors of National Husband’s Day (or even if you didn’t), we’ve created a customizable proclamation for you to give your husband this year. Customize it. Print it out (legal size paper). Frame it. Then deliver to him a gift sure to make him proud. (If your computer doesn’t allow you to customize the PDF, print this one to handwrite his name and your name instead).

3. Print a customized Book of Love. This fantastic DIY coupon book from The Dating Divas is something sure to knock your husband’s socks off. Surprise him with this creative book that gives him all the things he wants most…one coupon at a time.

4. Write the perfect love letter. Have you ever written your husband a love letter? Not just a few words at the bottom of a card but actually write the card yourself? If not, today’s a pretty fantastic day to sharpen your writing skills. To make it easy, here are 7 ways to write the perfect love letter.

5. Spoil your spouse date night. There’s no better night than tonight to spoil your spouse. This date night is all about doing what your husband loves to do. No marital compromise here –this is his night!

Any excuse to celebrate those fabulous hubbies of ours is a good enough excuse for me.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

We’re SO close to our goal! JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book like none other. Guaranteed.

6 Easy Ways to Exceed Your Spouse’s Expectations

Tuesday, January 20th, 2015

Do you remember when the women of this club sponsored a national holiday for our husbands?

Last year, on January 22nd, we designated a special day to celebrate those fabulous hubbies of ours and we’re doing it again this year!

We’re working on something pretty cool for your husband so make sure to check back here tomorrow.

Until then, we continue our countdown to the 5 year anniversary or this club and the unveiling of our new site by counting down our top 20 posts of all time.

Coming in at #15 is a post originally written as a part of our popular 12 Weeks to a Happier Marriage series.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I don’t know about you but I don’t want to just meet my husband’s expectations, I strive to exceed them.

From the moment we said ‘I do’ (really, from our very first date), he’s put me on a pedestal and refuses to take me down. I am, after all, the woman he pledged to be with until the very end of time.

So in deciding on the 5^th installment to our 12 Weeks to a Happier Marriage series, I looked to him for inspiration. How does he manage to -so consistently- exceed my expectations?

And even in those rare moments when he falls short of meeting them, how does he redeem that so quickly?

Thank the awesome Mr. Keith Weaver, for these tips. Because I’m the recipient of all six on a very regular basis, I can attest that they do indeed work:

6 Ways to Exceed Your Spouse’s Expectations

1. Know what they are. You’d be amazed at how many people are disappointed by their spouses each and every day. The sad part is most of these disappointments could be avoided if only their spouse knew their expectations –and preferably, before they failed to meet them. You cannot exceed your spouse’s expectations if you don’t know what they are on the most basic level. The wisest people ask the most questions. Be as inquisitive as a child when it comes to your spouse. Just keep asking questions until you fully know their expectation of you, and once you know that, you can knock that ball out of the park.

2. Know your spouse’s love language. Now, if you’ve been reading this blog for some time, you know my husband and I didn’t know our love languages (as defined in the best-selling book, The 5 Love Languages) until we’d been married nine years. And that seems to be okay because we always spoke to one another in the greatest amount of respect and reverence. But I must say, learning each other’s love language helped clarify so much. I was pretty shocked to find out Physical Touch is my love language and Keith’s is Words of Affirmation. I would have thought the opposite. But learning this one little truth has helped me exceed his expectations far more often than I did in the past.

3. Do the unexpected. Little things. Tiny things really. It’s those small things that add up to the largest equation in marriage. Find one additional thing a day you can do to bring a smile to your spouse’s face. For Keith, I know if I make him a cup of coffee in the morning before he gets out of bed, the aroma of a freshly brewed cup will bring a smile to his face even before he’s opened his eyes. Maybe for your spouse, it’s testing out some new lingerie or picking up some freshly cut flowers from your local farmers market (or florist). Remember, this isn’t something big…it’s something really small, yet thoughtful.

4. Don’t expect anything in return. The greatest key to exceeding your spouse’s expectations is whenever you do something -no matter how big or small- do not expect anything in return. I know that can be hard to do but it’s paramount. Don’t keep score of all the wonderful things you do because that will eventually lead to comparisons. And you and I both know comparisons are dangerous in every area of life, especially, marriage. The goal here is to give with your whole heart without expectation of reciprocation. The interesting thing is when you give with your entire being, expecting nothing in return, what you give always comes back to you ten-fold. It’s one of those beautiful mysteries of life that continues to be proven true.

5. Don’t make assumptions. As best-selling author Miguel Angel Ruiz so wonderfully put it, “Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. One of the greatest skills in marriage is to assume less and learn more. Nothing pushes us to grow quite like marriage. When you look at it as an endless opportunity to learn about the person you love most, yourself, and the world around you. Assume as little as possible…discover as much as possible.

6. Strive for WOW…but don’t forget about the now. I don’t know if you’re guilty of this but sometimes when I’m working on surprising my husband with a “Wow,” I forget the little things I should be doing now just to meet his expectations. Remember it’s consistency in the little things that will always matter most. The ABC’s of Marriage: Always Be Consistent.

YOUR TURN: What would you add to this list? What do you do to exceed your spouse’s expectation?

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Two Great Questions You Should Ask Your Husband…Today

Monday, January 19th, 2015

We’re getting closer and closer to the 5th anniversary of the Happy Wives Club and the unveiling of our new site. (I’m so excited I could bust!)

Our countdown theme from last week continues. Coming in at #16 is another post I was nervous to click “publish” on but I’m happy I did. It quickly became one our most popular articles of all time and has remained in the top 20 ever since.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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A couple years ago, I asked my husband two questions I highly recommend every wife ask. I should, however, first add this disclaimer.

When I posed the first question, his answer -in that moment- crushed my spirit. But I can assure you, the crushing was well worth it.

His honest and transparent response made me a better woman, friend and wife.

So what’s the question that crushed me, and yet, I still recommend you ask your husband? Here it is:

“On a scale of 1-to-10, with 10 representing the wife you believe I have the potential to be, what would you rank me today?”

When asking this question, there is something incredibly important to first consider. You have to create a welcoming environment for him to give his most honest response.

If you can do that, this one question may be the catalyst that takes your marriage from good to great or from great to extraordinary.

If you’ve read my book, you know I wasn’t quite prepared for such an honest answer. My husband has always been great at pointing out all the wonderful things about me. He’s complimented me so often throughout our marriage that I had no idea how much room I still had to grow.

Honestly, I was expecting a score of a 9+. I knew he wouldn’t give me a 10 because, after all, we all have room to grow. But I thought for sure he would score me a 9.

When he began his response with, “Compared to so and so, on a scale of 1-to-10, you’re a 100,” I knew his score, and the one I thought he’d give me, where unlikely to match. My score when I posed this question to him in 2012, nine years into our marriage? He gave me a soft 7.

I know that might not seem horrible to most but as a former general manager of a Hilton-branded hotel, in which all customer service scores of 8 or below were calculated as zero, it was a mighty big pill to swallow.

His rationale for the score made me feel a bit better, “If I compared you to anyone else in the world, you’d be a 10. But you asked me to compare you to the wife you have the potential to be.” Even with that explanation, I was still disappointed. But I tell you what. I’ve never regretted asking that question. Nor have I regretted posing this follow-up question:

“Can you give me a list of 6 things I can do to become a better wife?”

Let me tell you, that question is golden.

Here are two things that question does: 1) It shows your husband you care enough about your marriage that no matter how great it is, you want it to be better; and 2) It causes him to think about -and appreciate- all the things you already do right.

For fun, while you’re waiting for him to give you his list of 6 things (it took my husband 2 days and a gentle reminder), try writing your own list of 12 things you think will be on his list. This exercise was a huge eye opener for me. Of the 12 things I’d included on my list, only one was actually on his. The 6 things he gave me were minor tweaks I could do easily. But what he was looking for was consistency.

If you’ve been a part of the Happy Wives Club community for a while, you already know this about me but I’ll say it anyway. I’m a true believer that we are all works in progress. If we’re living, we should be growing. So no matter how great and happy a marriage, it can always be better.

Maybe you’ll find this exercise helpful. Maybe not. For me, and my marriage, it was a game changer.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Pucker Up! {How 15 Seconds a Day Can Change Your Marriage}

Saturday, January 17th, 2015

I am having so much fun counting down to the 5th anniversary of this Club and the debut of our new website by posting our 20 most popular posts of all time.

Coming in at #17 is a post from our resident sex expert, the fabulous Sheila Wray-Gregoire. Pucker Up.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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A kiss a day keeps the doctor away!

Kissing lowers your cholesterol, boosts your immunity, and fights depression. It even delays wrinkles!

So why is it that so many married couples stop kissing?

I think it’s because in many cases women think, “I don’t want to put a down payment on something I may not want to buy later.”

We’re afraid to kiss with abandon because he may think it’s going somewhere, and we’re not really sure we want it to. What if bedtime comes around and I’m tired? Or what if I just don’t feel like sex? It’s safer not to get his engines revving in the first place.

Kissing then becomes something that you avoid unless you’re about to have sex. But that’s too bad, because kissing actually makes us women feel closer to our men! It’s fun. It’s intimate. And it grosses out the kids (in a good way!).

When you were dating you probably kissed constantly. It was intoxicating, and exhilirating, and it can be like that again. When you kiss with passion, you get your own libido going. Besides, it’s hard to be irritated or angry at someone if you’re kissing them often. It helps good feelings bubble to the surface, and covers over a multitude of aggravations.

On the other hand, if you avoid kissing, then you deprive yourself of one of your primary ways to get your libido up–and almost guarantee you WON’T want to make love later. And you deprive yourself of one of the primary ways we women have of feeling closer to our men.

If you’re afraid your husband will never understand the allure of simple kissing, tell him,

“Honey, I love kissing you! I feel as if we used to kiss all the time, and now we’re in a rut. I want that to stop. I know that if we kissed more, I’d feel more frisky, too. But do me a favor? When we kiss, let it stay a kiss. Don’t make it move on to other things. That way we let the kiss build up, and whet our appetites. And it’s the expectation that can be fun!”

Let’s bring the art of kissing back to our marriages–and help us to feel all weak-kneed again, just like we used to.

And it’s easy: just one 15-second kiss a day can change your marriage. Set the kitchen timer and try it–see how long 15 seconds is (and how much fun it is!) And then just do it! Pucker up.

Want to bring more romance and excitement back to your marriage? Try Sheila’s 31 Days to Great Sex challenge. It’s 31 days of talking, flirting, and exploring–and building real intimacy again.

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

6 Ways to Love Your Husband…Even Better

Thursday, January 15th, 2015

I am so excited to continue this countdown to the 5th anniversary of the Happy Wives Club by posting the 20 most popular articles of all time!

Coming in at #18 is a post I’m so excited to share again. It was originally written on August 7, 2013 and is as relevant today as it was then.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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In college I had a roommate who always had a boyfriend—always. Boys just liked her, lots of them.

She was cute, smart, and fun but there was more to it and it didn’t take me long to figure out why so many boys liked her. She simply, openly, adored them.

My roommate genuinely saw the best in everyone and she told them. If a guy was strong, she told him. If he was smart, she told him. If he was sweet, she told him.

It wasn’t manipulative on her part. She was just as complimentary and encouraging to girlfriends, teachers and everyone else.

Adore by definition means to regard with the utmost esteem, love, and respect. Men, especially, crave that intoxicating combination of respect and admiration; it’s just the way they’re wired.

In the same way, much has been written about how women are wired to crave love. So, my thought is this… if you give your honey some sweet adoration, you might really enjoy what comes back—a little more lovin’!

Even if you don’t feel like adoring your husband, try! I confess it is not easy for me; I am not the adoring type. But he needs it and it will make him a better, more confident man. Here are my ideas on 6 ways to love your husband with adoration.

1. Adore Him Unconditionally. Don’t wait to adore him until he’s nicer, makes more money or is more affectionate with you. The key is to love him as he–even if he’s not 100 percent adorable.

2. Adore Him For What He Does. Take notice of what he does and make it a big deal. Tell him and be specific: “You are such a great dad; our kids just love you.” “You did an awesome job fixing the garage door. “

3. Adore Him Physically. If you don’t adore him in this area, who will? This is something only the two of you share. You don’t have to wait until you’re in bed together; whisper a compliment at breakfast: “I was thinking about last night and how great…” You get the idea.

4. Adore Him By Listening. Men like and need their wife’s attention. When you listen well you will become his confidant and gain greater access to what he struggles with and needs encouragement about.

5. Adore Him By Putting Him First. You can’t tell your 3 year old to wait while you give your husband a back massage. But, you can find creative ways to carve out time for him.

6. Adore Him So Others Can See It and Hear It. A compliment given at home is one thing; a compliment given in front of others is magnified big time. So the next time you’re out with your husband with friends or family, build him up in front of everyone.

QUESTION: I am going to challenge myself to adore my husband in a different way every day for a week. I’m one idea short, so how do you adore your husband?

We’re SO close to our goal! JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

The Husband Gratitude List

Wednesday, January 14th, 2015

I’m continuing the countdown of our Top 20 posts while counting down the days to our Club’s 5th anniversary on February 4th (and the unveiling of the new HappyWivesClub.com site).

Yesterday’s post, #20 on our list, broke the internet! Well, technically not the internet but it certainly broke our site. We have a pretty robust server and our server went down five times in two hours.

Our 19th most popular post was originally written in August 2013 and got a ton of media coverage across Europe, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa when a reporter from The Times London said something snarky about it in their Sunday edition.

After The Times story, I found myself defending the Husband Gratitude List on and I’m so happy I did! I still love writing down the reasons I am grateful for that wonderful husband of mine and I hope you’ll enjoy doing it (in part, for the reasons listed below) just as much.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Have you ever written a list of the special qualities and characteristics that make your husband special? What about keeping a journal of all the wonderful things he does for you throughout each week?

I began a husband gratitude list (which I called the Why I Love My Husband never-ending list) toward the end of last year and highly recommend it!

What I quickly discovered was what I once viewed as ordinary became extraordinary when thought about intentionally throughout each day.

The little things I might have taken for granted in the past -taking out the trash, straightening up the house, taking my car in to be serviced- all became things that filled my heart with gratitude.

One of the greatest benefits of keeping a husband gratitude list is it serves as a constant reminder of what makes your hubby so wonderfully awesome. Why, out of all the men in the world, you chose to marry him.

During those times when his imperfections glare brighter than his attributes, you can simply flip open your journal and look at your gratitude list to be reminded that your marriage is bigger than that moment.

A gratitude list is simple to compile. All you have to do is begin. You can include something as overarching as, “He loves me exactly as I am…not for who I may one day become,” which was the very first entry on my list.

You can also write down specific things he did earlier in the day like, “He spent hours organizing my desk that I’d allowed to become overrun with notes and random pieces of paper,” No. 46 on my list.

Although my list is quite long now, I thought I’d share a small section of it to encourage you to begin your own. I promise, it does wonders for keeping your perspective right…especially, during those times when your husband falls short of perfect. (After all, every one of us has flaws, right?)

He is my biggest fan.
He never looks to point out what I’ve done wrong or the err of my ways. He looks for how he can build me up and make me feel great about what I do right.
He buys me bottles of every kind of water except Aquafina and Dasani (the two he knows I don’t like).
He texts me if a meeting is running later than he anticipated so I know to expect his call soon.
He is the most loyal person I’ve ever known.
When I travel on business, he always gives me 1,001 reasons to want to come home.
He’s a strong man when it comes to the rest of the world but a complete softy when it comes to me.
When he picked me up at the airport this week, we walked out with me holding no bags and him holding three. No matter how I tried to help, he simply wanted to take care of me.
He gets dressed for the gym early in the morning, in the dark, so I can continue to get some rest.
He likes his coffee black, I’m a white coffee kind of girl, and thus he makes sure our home is never without Coffeemate and Splenda.

Begin your husband gratitude list today and add to it as often as possible. The real fun comes in when you begin looking for things to add to your list. You will be amazed at how many wonderful things he does you may have otherwise overlooked. And if your husband is anything like mine, you’ll soon realize there aren’t enough thank yous in the world.

QUESTION: If you were to begin your husband gratitude list right now, what would be the first 5 things on your list?

We’re SO close to our goal! JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

10 Ways to Kick Your (or Your Husband’s) Sex Drive Into Overdrive

Tuesday, January 13th, 2015

On February 4, 2015, the Happy Wives Club will celebrate 5 years of shining a positive spotlight on marriages around the world.

5 years! Can you believe how quickly time flew (that must mean we were having fun, right )?

In honor of this amazing occasion, I wanted to do something truly special. In less than four weeks, we will unveil a new HappyWivesClub.com (I’ve gotten a sneak peak at the new look and it’s pretty fantastic).

Leading up to the reveal of the new site, we’ll countdown with the Top 20 most popular posts on this site since the Club began in 2010. I had no idea what our Top 20 posts were until I decided to do this countdown so it was pretty cool for me to see what posts our readers have loved most over the years.

Are you ready? Let the countdown begin! Coming in at #20 is a post I originally wrote in October 2014. For the record, it made me so nervous to press “publish” on this one.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Rarely does a week go by when I don’t receive a new comment on a post written for us by author, Sheila Wray-Gregoire, more than a year ago: What to Do When Your Husband Has a Low Sex Drive.

And although I’m always surprised when one pops up, I really shouldn’t be as research has long shown that one out of every five men have a low sex drive.

So many husbands and wives battle with a low libido. And many, albeit not true in most instances, believe a decline in sex means there is something wrong with their marriage or that the romance is dying.

A low libido can be an indicator of so many things: health challenges, stress, birth control, medication, too much wine, fatigue, hormonal changes and the list goes on. This is the reason I wrote this post last week: 5 Days to Better Sex in Marriage.

For some of you, that post was just what you needed. For others, I realize it might be a tad more complicated.

If you love and adore your spouse (and I’m pretty certain you do, otherwise you’d unlikely be perusing a site called the Happy Wives Club), but find yourself getting frustrated in the bedroom, I sure hope this will help!

10 Best Ways to Kick Your {or Your Husband’s} Sex Drive Into Overdrive

1. Get to the root of the issue. I can’t stress this enough. If your sex life isn’t what it used to be, don’t panic. This doesn’t mean you (or your spouse) is lacking interest, love or romance. It could be a fairly large range of things. If your husband is the one with the low libido, it could be due to any of these things. If you’re the one needing a bit of a boost in the bedroom, it could very well be due to one of these challenges.

2. Reduce stress. You’d be surprised the number of couples whose sex drive kicks into overdrive just by doing two simple things: turning off electronics and intentionally not thinking about anything that brings about stress. When you are stressed, every organ in your body is impacted, including the organ that dictates your sex drive: your brain. If you have too much going on in that mind of yours, the likelihood that you’ll be able to have a mind blowing sexual experience is pretty close to nil. What can you and your spouse do to reduce your stress in order to enjoy making love more often? Answer that question and you just may very well be able to skip the rest of this post.

3. Have a little fun in the kitchen. Okay, I know what you’re thinking…and that wasn’t what I was thinking. But that’s not a bad idea! This is all about boosting your sex drive naturally with some help from your pantry. Studies have long shown that certain vitamins and minerals increase nerve sensitivity and boost hormone levels, pumping up that sometimes elusive libido. So I compiled this list of the 15 best aphrodisiac recipes for you and your husband I found on the web.

4. Try something different. This five day challenge might be just what the doctor ordered. Day 1: Exploration. Day 2: Lube it or lose it. Day 3. Get out of the bedroom. Day 4. Think sensual thoughts. Day 5. Create a sensual playlist. All of these things are very simple, but when done over the course of 5 days as outlined here, you might find that what you thought you lost is quickly found. Make sure to address item #2 on this list (reduce stress) first, to obtain the best possible results from this 5-day challenge.

5. Especially FOR MEN: Stay fit and keep the weight off. “Not only will you simply feel better about yourself, but body fat also inhibits testosterone production. And, apparently, it’s really important for men to watch their waist size as belly fat absorbs testosterone more efficiently than fat cells elsewhere in the body. Both men and women will benefit from exercise, though, as aerobic workouts increase blood flow to sex organs. According to Martika Heaner for MSN Health and Fitness, ‘psychological self-confidence that you get from being physically fit, accomplishing weight loss goals or simply losing weight boosts your self-esteem and helps you to feel sexier.’”

6. Especially FOR WOMEN: Feel great from the inside out. For everyone, this means something different. For me, I’m the least comfortable making love when I’m out of shape and parts that shouldn’t be jiggling seem to be dancing to music not actually being played. Keith loves making love to me whether I’m in shape or not. But personally, I’m just not as comfortable and since I know this about myself, I eat fairly healthy and exercise at least 3 days a week. For you, this may not be an issue. Whatever makes you feel great about yourself, that’s what you want to focus on because confidence is the sexiest thing you’re ever going to wear.

7. Meditate to improve your sexual experiences. If when I say “meditate,” what comes to mind is twisting your body like a pretzel, in the midst of hundreds of lit candles with Sanskrit chants playing in the background, we’re talking about two different things. The benefits of meditation to your sex life are too numerous to list here but here are seven surprising reasons why meditation can improve your sex life. My personality is classic type-A. Meditation and prayer allow me to do something that doesn’t come natural to my driver personality: don’t sweat the small stuff.

8. Determine what you want. What does the perfect sexual experience look and feel like to you? Do you have a favorite time when you and your spouse made love? Do you remember where you were, what music was playing, your mindset at that moment? Recall that time…together. And remember, if you did it before, you can do it again. It might take a bit more time and effort now that you’re older, with so much on your minds, but rest assured it can be done again. You just have to commit to get there together.

9. Create an open and accepting space. If your spouse is the one with the low libido, this may be one of the most important action items on this list for you. Creating an environment where your spouse feels cherished and respected, in spite of this temporary challenge, is one of the most loving things you can do. Your spouse wants to please you in every way, including sexually, so not being able to do so is undoubtedly eating away at him. Assure him you’re committed to figuring this out together. And the happiness in your marriage is greater than just this one thing. Yes, it’s important. But your love, friendship, laughter and lifelong partnership means so much more.

10. Remove the pressure to get it perfect every time. Have you seen the movie, The Thomas Crown Affair, with Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo? If you have, there’s no doubt you remember that steamy sex scene that went from one room to another, from the top of the bed to under the bed, to the stairs and so on…without so much as a break. Newsflash: that is not the real world. If you watched a sex scene being shot on a Hollywood set, you’d undoubtedly know there’s nothing sexy about the twenty-plus attempts it took to create that “perfect” shot. The most amazing and mind-blowing sex possible is that between spouses who love, adore, respect and cherish each other. If that is you and your spouse (which I suspect it is), go through this list again -beginning with the most important one: getting to the root of the issue- and figure out together how you can make it great from here on out.

Creating the marriage of your dreams, like any other great achievement, doesn’t just happen by happenstance. It takes time, effort, grace and patience. The same can be said about your sex life. When you’re twenty years down the road, and enjoying life with your best friend, you’ll be so happy you took the time to get it right…together…today.

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

10 New Year’s Resolutions for Your Marriage

Thursday, January 1st, 2015

Last night I thought, I should write a post on New Year’s resolutions for your marriage. And then I remembered, that’s already been done…and done well.

This timeless post from HWC contributor, Kathryn Sneed, was originally posted this time last year. And I still can’t think of a better way to ring in the new year.

My personal New Year’s resolution for my marriage: to love like there is no tomorrow…because we never know how much longer we will be fortunate enough to live this life together.

Until tomorrow…make it a Happy New Year!

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2015 is here and now is the time that people start thinking about New Year’s resolutions.

A lot of people like to set personal goals, fitness goals, organizational goals and more. But what about goals for your marriage?

Your marriage is and should be one of the most important things in your life, shouldn’t it be first on your list of resolutions?

Every marriage needs and deserves a little more attention and 2015 is the perfect year to start giving your marriage that extra TLC! Not sure where to start? Here are 10 ways for you to work on your marriage this coming year!

10 Resolutions for Your Marriage:

1. Forgive and Forget.
This year, strive to forgive your spouse as soon as they apologize or ask for forgiveness. It’s easy to hold a grudge or to bring up past grievances, but letting these things go and forgiving your spouse can lead to a happier self and a happier marriage!

2. Spend More Time Together.
So many people are so busy, too busy. Life gets in the way and the important things in life tend to fall to the wayside. In 2015, resolute to spend more time with your spouse! Whether it be more date nights or more time at home together, I’m sure your spouse will appreciate having more of you in their life!

3. Put Your Spouse First.
In a day and age when there are so many things that scream for our attention, it’s important that our spouses feels like they are important in our lives. This year, determine to put your spouse above all the noise trying to attract your attention. Determine to put them first.

4. Seek God Together.
It’s sometimes easy to judge our spouse for the things they do, but learning to seek God together can help your relationship become stronger and help us learn to focus more on the things we need to fix in our own lives. Resolute in 2015 to seek God together and watch your relationship grow stronger together and in God!

5. Cultivate Common Interests.
It’s easy to do things that interest you personally, but why not learn some new hobbies with your spouse? This year, find some common interests that both you and your spouse would enjoy, and do them often! What better way to have fun with your spouse and learn more about them?

6. Work Toward Conflict Resolution.
No marriage is perfect, but a peaceful marriage is one to strive for! Let 2015 be the year you work toward healthy conflict resolution. Learn better strategies for your marriage and learn how to discuss things peacefully with your spouse. Strive toward healthy communication!

7. Keep the Passion Alive.
Maybe your marriage has gotten a little boring, you do the same things every day and nothing seems fun or out of the ordinary. Let 2015 be the year you change all that! Determine to keep the passion alive and help things get steamy instead of boring. You will both be thankful you did!

8. Flirt more!
Who doesn’t like to flirt a little with their spouse? It’s fun and brings back the spice you might remember from your dating years! This year, resolute to flirt more with your spouse. There are so many fun ways to flirt, and your spouse just might be surprised and happy that you started it!

9. Say, “I love you” every day.
A lot times it’s easy to assume that our spouse knows we love them. But there are so many different ways to say and show that you love them. This year, don’t let a day go by without saying it. Resolute to say, “I love you” in a special way every day.

10. Communicate Appreciation.
So many people feel under appreciated because their spouse doesn’t take the time to communicate appreciation for them and what they do. Don’t let another year go by without telling your spouse how much you appreciate them. Resolute to communicate appreciation as much as possible!

What New Year’s resolutions for your marriage will you be adding to this list?

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7 Holiday Date Night Traditions

Thursday, December 18th, 2014

This is undoubtedly my favorite time of the year. The most amazing man on earth to me -yep, that handsome husband of mine- was born on Christmas eve.

One of God’s greatest gifts to the world was born on Christmas day. My husband and I eloped two days after Christmas in 2003 and then we followed it up with our first New Years Eve together.

The 52nd week is indeed the most wonderful time of the year for our family. Most years, we’ve been fortunate enough to go on vacation in another part of the world and we usually choose a country that’s still in the midst of their summer (hello Australia!).

This year, as was the case last year, we’ve decided to save our pennies and enjoy a home grown staycation. The best part of staying close to home? No packing, planes, security lines at airports and a new tradition we’ll kick off this year: a Sweetheart Christmas.

What is a Sweetheart Christmas you ask? Scroll down to #6 on HWC contributor, Tammy Greene’s list of 7 holiday date night traditions and have yourself a happy and healthy holiday season.

From our family to yours, wishing you the most beautiful holiday season you’ve ever seen.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

____________

I love the holiday season. I would probably be hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t.

But sometimes it can be overwhelming. With all we try to cram into each day, it can be easy to lose sight of why we celebrate the holidays in the first place.

This year, start some new traditions with your sweetie. Simple holiday traditions can help you feel connected, not only to the holiday but, most importantly, to the one you love most.

Here are some easy and fun ways to add a little tradition to your holiday season and help you and your spouse stay connected.

7 Fun Holiday Date Night Traditions

1. Bask in the Glory of Holiday Lights. Christmas lights are a holiday tradition dating back to Thomas Edison and became an official holiday tradition in 1895. Holiday lights are beautiful and fill us with a sense of awe. Take some time to enjoy the hard work of your neighbors. Hop in the car with your sweetheart and take a drive around the neighborhood to appreciate the magic a simple strand of lights can bring.

2. Drink Cocoa by the Tree. If you celebrate the holidays by decorating the tree, you know how much work this can be. But, once the work is done, do you take the time to appreciate your efforts? Warm up a cup of cocoa, top it with some mini marshmallows and cuddle by the tree. Take in the smell, reminisce, and relax. Don’t let your efforts only be enjoyed on Christmas Day.

3. Watch a Holiday Movie. Take some time to snuggle on the couch, put your feet up and share a blanket while you watch one of the many holiday classics. From the funny to the heartfelt, there is an endless array of movies to choose from. Take some time to unwind together and laugh or cry your way through your favorite holiday film. You can never go wrong with Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life.

4. Play Hooky. One of my very favorite things to do is to play hooky from work with my husband. There is something delicious about leaving work early sometimes to spend some time with my sweetie. Take a day away from the usual grind to spend it enjoying some quality time while getting in some last minute shopping. Hold hands and stroll through the mall, pick up a holiday flavored coffee, and check everyone off your list. Fighting the crowds is way more fun if you have someone you love standing next to you.

5. Build a Gingerbread House. I know this tradition is usually reserved for the kids, but why is that? Shouldn’t the grown ups have fun too? You can make one from scratch, or take the easy route and pick up a pre-made house at the store. Design a house that represents each of you by adding icing and your favorite candies. Display it proud for everyone to see. Each time you walk by you won’t be able to help but smile at what you created together.

6. Have a Sweetheart Christmas. Let’s face it, Christmas day can be hectic and exhausting. Opening gifts can be a whirlwind of tissue and paper and watching the clock to make sure you are on time to the next event.

One thing that my husband and I have done since we were teenagers, is have our own separate Sweetheart Christmas. On the night of the 25th, after all the hustle of the day has past and the kids are asleep, hubby and I light a fire, warm some cocoa and meet by the tree. It is only then that we exchange our gifts for each other.

This time has become a very special tradition for us. It gives us the ability to take our time opening each others gifts. It gives us time to breathe in the peace and gratitude that the holiday season brings. It gives us time to express our love and appreciation without feeling rushed. These are precious moments for us. Celebrating Christmas together this way is the perfect way to wrap up the holidays.

7. Give Back. No matter where you live, you do not have to look far to find someone in need. The holidays are a time for giving, so what better way to give than to reach out to someone who could use a helping hand? Take some time to look beyond your own needs and stress and devote some of that attention to someone who could use some kindness.

Whether it be donating gifts, making a meal, or donating your time, make this a holiday project you and your sweetie do together. There is tremendous joy to be found in doing something kind for others.

Whatever you decide to do, take some time to enjoy the season together. Cuddle, take in the sights and smells, listen to music, and start some new traditions. It only comes by once a year so don’t let this special time fly by without taking a few moments to relax and enjoy it together.

Happy Holidays.

Tammy

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Why Your Marriage is Worth the Fight

Thursday, December 11th, 2014

From my article on Huffington Post this afternoon:

I sit with them. Listen to them. Dine in their homes. Meet their families. Explore their cities. Learn their greatest marriage and life lessons.

I research happiness. More specifically, what makes a marriage not just work, but work well…really well.

I interview couples happily married more than a quarter century to figure out how they did it and how what they’ve done can be replicated. I then pull all that research together to determine the common denominators.

There are 12 secrets that I’ve uncovered so far…and my journey of discovery is far from over.

When you sit among a couple who has been looking into each other’s eyes, holding each other’s hands, laughing at one another’s jokes, teasing each other about their various flaws and idiosyncrasies, and supporting each other through this crazy thing called life for at least 25 years, something becomes very clear.

We were not created to be alone. We were made to love. We were designed to be loved.

Join me for the rest of this article, Your Marriage is Worth the Fight at Huffington Post (who I wrote it for earlier today)

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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This is Amazing! (Really, Truly)

Wednesday, December 10th, 2014

(This amazing man married me 11 years ago)

When I sat down to write this post, I looked at the title and thought, “That’s not SEO friendly at all!” If you’re not familiar with “SEO,” it’s just a techie acronym that describes what most of us online writers do our best to pay attention to when titling our articles.

But here’s the thing. I truly couldn’t think of another title because this is amazing.

You probably remember when I released Happy Wives Club a year ago. It was a book about my journey to 12 countries and 6 continents, to interview couples happily 25 years or more, to deduce the common denominators.

It was most certainly the journey of a lifetime for me and changed every aspect of my marriage for the better. I did my best to bring every reader, especially the members of this community, with me.

You may also remember the book debuted at #3 on the New York Times Best Sellers list and somewhere on the USA Today Best Seller list (I can’t quite remember the rank)..

So why am I reminiscing about the past? Well, because it became present again earlier today when the book ranked #35 in all Amazon electronic books, #1 in Marriage eBooks and #2 in Relationships eBooks.

As of the moment I’m writing this, Happy Wives Club is nestled a few spots above Mockingjay (Hunger Games). Not bad company, eh? I told you this was A-mazing!

How did this happen almost an entire year after it’s initial release? Well, my publisher had this brilliant idea to team up with Amazon Kindle, B & N Nook, Apple iBooks and Google Play to offer the book for $0.99. Yes, you read that right…the book in its entirety for $0.99.

But here’s the catch: it’s only available for the next 24 hours….

I’m a terrible salesperson. If you know me well, you know I don’t enjoy selling at all. I love to give. It is what I was placed here to do above all else: to love and be loved. Sell? Not so much. So rather than giving you all the reasons you should go and snag this book, I’ll just share three things:

1. I appreciate you whether you purchase the book or not and am so grateful you are a part of this community. The book itself is a huge part of what has supported this community the past couple years and hopefully will continue to do so.

2. My publisher is hoping the book will crack into the Top 10 on Amazon (I am too ) because something incredible happens at that point (which I don’t fully understand so I won’t try to explain it here – but trust when I say if it happens, it’s pretty awesome).

3. The eBook has never been on sale (to my knowledge) in the entire year it’s been out and I don’t know that it will ever go on sale again. So picking it up today, if you so desire, would be an incredibly smart thing to do.

So that’s it. My best attempt at a sales pitch. I’d be honored if you grabbed a copy of the eBook (and I’ll make sure to let you know if we break into the Top 10 as you would be the reason that happened). But know that whether you do or whether you don’t, you are loved and appreciated.

Available for 24 hours at $0.99 on Amazon Kindle
Available for 24 hours at $0.99 on B&N Nook
Available for 24 hours at $0.99 on Google Play
Available for 24 hours at $0.99 on Apple iBooks

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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10 Tips to Keep Your Happiness High During the Holidays

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2014

Sing along with me, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.”

Thanksgiving has ended, which means we get a short reprieve from the thousands of extra calories we would usually never allow in our diet. That macaroni and cheese, oh my, the holidays wouldn’t be the same without that.

Did you get an extra helping of cornbread dressing (that’s our soul food cooking…you may have enjoyed stuffing)? What about the pies, cakes and puddings? Keith’s mom made so many we could have all taken one home (and I don’t mean just one piece)!

Dinner ended and it was time for the Christmas lights to go up. You did put up Christmas lights, didn’t you? (Shhhh…don’t tell anyone…we didn’t even think about it.)

Nearly as soon as Thanksgiving dinner was over, you were already writing your Christmas to-do list, weren’t you?

You may even be one of those super-planners who was already checking Christmas items off your list by the end of the weekend. Go you (you fabulous overachiever, you)!

In all the hurry that seems to define this time of year, it’s probably good that we put a plan in place now to keep our happiness high (and our stress levels low) during the upcoming holiday season.

1. Make Your Marriage a Refuge. During busy times, we have a decision to make. We can either allow the stress of the world to weigh in on our happiness or we can keep the world at bay and make our marriage a safe haven. Take a few extra minutes in the morning to enjoy a cup of tea together or stay up in bed a little longer just to chat about your day and melt into each other’s arms. Your very own still point in a turning world, that is what your marriage is meant to be.

2. K.I.S.S. (Keep It Super Simple). I love a beautiful Christmas tree and erecting one during this time of year is one of my husband’s greatest joys. All-white Christmas lights are one of my favorite things to look at during the holiday season. But I’ll be the first to admit, it’s not because they are always on our house. Figure out what you have the time and resources to get done this year and create your best holiday ever (minus the stress of trying to keep up with what you’ve done in year’s past). I’m not 100-percent sure but if I were to guess, this year will be a tree-free Christmas for the Weavers.

3. Divide & Conquer. A couple weeks ago, I got a new license plate that reads TEAM WVR. Oftentimes when we RSVP for events, instead of sending in a reply as “Keith and Fawn Weaver,” we’ll RSVP under Team Weaver. This is our normal way of life but it’s even more important during the holidays. Don’t try to take everything on yourself. Write a list of what needs to get done and then ask your husband to partner with you in tackling every item on that list. Two are so much better than one. And if you’ve got kids…even more hands to get everything done.

4. Manage Expectations. Look at your bank account now. If you can’t afford to do what it is you want to do or what it is you’ve done in the past, it’s okay. Just say it. Telling someone you love that you just can’t afford to get what it is you’d like to get them or to do what it is you’d like to do may be humbling, but when it’s all over, you will feel like the weight of the world has rolled off your shoulders. If from the offset, everyone knows what to expect, the pressure is decreased tremendously and you and your husband can feel great knowing that you’ve done what you can and what you can is more than enough.

5. Exercise Together. Okay, so this may seem out of place given the first five tips listed but there is truly no better time throughout the year to exercise for two reasons: 1) We usually eat way more than we should, pack on extra poundage and then stress about getting it off; and 2) Endorphins, baby! One of the best natural stress fighters is released into your body the moment you begin to exercise…and…when you have sex. That’s precisely why sexercise was invented!

6. Don’t Skimp on the Sex. Let’s keep those endorphins flowing! Two of the best ways to get them going are exercise and sex. It’s during stressful times that we tend to forget about basic things like making love regularly. But this is the time when we need it most. Not only to release stress and tension but to be joined together as one (in the most literal sense possible ). And if you need a little more convincing on this one, here are 4 benefits of making love…for you!

7. Consider Giving to Those In Need. ”It is better to give than to receive,” is no cliché. There are few greater truths in life than this and if you ever want to put your life in perspective, go to your local homeless shelter and serve. Just for one day. Take the entire family and see if you don’t walk out of there wanting nothing more than to take every present you planned to put under the Christmas tree and give it to someone you had the privilege of meeting that day.

The first seven tips listed were from a post I wrote last year around this exact same time, 7 Ways to Create a Stress-Less Marriage During the Holidays. I’ve added the following three because your personal happiness is one of the keys to your marital happiness.

8. For Your Own Sake, Forsake Tradition. If following tradition is going to stress you out, create a new tradition. It’s your family, your life and your happiness, do what works for you!

9. Wake Up Every Morning and Choose You. When I say, “choose you,” if the first thing that comes to mind is how selfish that sounds, then this is the perfect tip for you. You are the nucleus of all that happens around you. If you’re not happy, if you don’t feel encouraged or excited about life, neither will those around you. When you wake up in the morning and focus on doing what makes you come alive, what you feel as though you were born to do and be, that has a positive impact on everyone around you. For me, meditation, spending time with God and a wonderful cup of tea or coffee with Keith is what I need to begin my day off right. What does that for you? Whatever allows you to begin your day feeling your best, choose that. Do that. Don’t forsake yourself any time of the year, but especially, during what has become the most stressful time of the year for most.

10. Choose Love First. During the holidays, we can lose the best part of who we are and become the worst versions of ourselves if we are not careful. In your desire to show others how much you love them by what you buy, cook, how you prepare your house, and all the other things we do during the holidays, don’t forget to love yourself. That means taking some time to rest and doing only what you can do, without overextending yourself, because that is when you will truly be at your best. When you take the time to love yourself, you are able to love others better and when you think about the true meaning behind this holiday season, it is all about love. In all your doing over the next month -Hanukkah, Christmas, New Years- don’t forget to do that (love) the most.

Want to enjoy a happy and stress-free holiday? Well, it’s not going to happen unless you make the decision to choose it and put a plan in place now that will carry you through the holidays.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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5 Special Gifts for National Husband’s Day

Wednesday, January 21st, 2015

So let’s celebrate our special day together!

To make it easy, we’ve come up with 5 special (and free) gifts you can give your husband today to commemorate the occasion.

Any excuse to celebrate those fabulous hubbies of ours is a good enough excuse for me.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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