If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know I rarely write about sex. Unlike fabulous sex expert, Sheila Wray Gregoire, I generally stay away from this particular topic.
And although I’m by no means an expert (I just happen to really enjoy making love to my husband), I am happy to share with you the one thing that personally helped transform my sex life.
Something so simple you may not even realize the profound impact it can have on your sex life.
I got in shape.
I know…sounds too simple. It may even sound like something more beneficial to my husband than it is for me. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
My hubby loves my body in all its shapes and sizes. He reminds me of a quote I once read from Trisha Yearwood regarding her husband, Garth Brooks’, reaction to her major weight loss:
“He said, (I’m paraphrasing here) ‘It’s my favorite size on you. And the only size I like just as much is whatever size you just were.’”
That’s my husband. He’ll never mention to me that I’m picking up weight (not even the time I was so busy at work I had the chef bake me chocolate chip cookies throughout the day and every time I’d pass through the kitchen I’d grab a few) nor suggest I lose any.
But I’ll let you in on a personal secret. Whether he notices or not, when I’m out of shape, I am fully aware that some of the noises my body makes while having sex are most certainly not of the erotic kind. And they are distracting, if not to him, most certainly to me.
I never expected for one of the greatest benefits of me getting in shape to be added confidence in the bedroom. Maybe it’s the cerebral part of my brain but if my mind drifts while we’re making love (even for a second to think about my muffin top or jiggly backside), it’s hard to reel it back in.
As women, one of the most challenging things to do at the start of making love is to remain in the moment; not allowing our minds to wander to items left undone, our to-do lists, or what the kids might be doing. This particular challenge, I may not be able to help you with; that’s a matter of training your mind to fully enjoy the present. But I can at least help you with the part that involves your body.
The next time you’re making love, if a thought about your size or tone causes your mind to wander a bit, this one I can help you with. Try what worked for me to quickly amp up your sex life. And for great tips on toning any problem areas, try this super simple advice from a fellow happy wife, Olympian, and mother of two.
If getting toned isn’t an issue for you, but you’re looking for something to kick your sex life up a few notches, I highly recommend Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman.
Years ago, I read Dr. Leman’s book in hopes of finding suggestions for a friend struggling in this area but instead found myself ripping Keith’s clothes off by the end of the book. Now, whenever a friend confides in me their struggles in the bedroom, within days they receive a gift in the mail from me…this book.
I should also add this. My husband also realized the same thing. When he’s making love to me and isn’t in shape, it doesn’t feel as good because he’s self conscious about what’s going on in the mid-section. So he does the same thing when he’s feeling a bit unattractive in that area. And I should also say this: I love him in all shapes and sizes. He makes my toes curl no matter what. But I do love that he makes he effort, just as I do, to be in the best shape -mind, body and soul- as me so we can live as long as possible…and make love for as long as we’re given the ability.
Until tomorrow…make it a great day!
THE BOOK: Read the book that inspired the powerful TED talk and prompted author of The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman, PhD., to write the book’s foreword. Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott, bestselling authors of Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts said, “We’ve been counseling couples and writing marriage books for a long time, and we can say with absolute certainty, there has never been a book quite like The Argument-Free Marriage. If you think no such union exists, or if you’ve come to the conclusion that arguments are necessary in marriage, allow Fawn to challenge that notion and set you on a path to creating the greatest partnership in life: your marriage.”