Author Archives: Kathi Lipp

About Kathi Lipp

Kathi is a speaker and the author of seven books including The Husband Project and The Marriage Project with four more books coming out in the next two years. Kathi’s articles have appeared in dozens of magazines, and is a frequent guest on Focus on the Family radio where she was named “Best of Broadcast.” She can be found blogging at She and her husband Roger are the parents of four young adults in San Jose, CA.

Building Self-Confidence Benefits Your Husband

When my man and I got married, our friend asked him what my most attractive quality was. I thought he’d say my sense of humor, or my eyes, or any of the standard husband-required answers. But he had a totally different response locked and loaded:

“The thing that I find most attractive about Kathi is her confidence when it comes to tackling a problem. She reads the books, she talks to the experts, and she hits the situation head on. I knew that if she was that intentional in the rest of her life, that we had a chance of making this blended family thing work.”

I like that a whole lot better than, “She has pretty eyes.”

Roger recognized that I was a confident woman before we got married. And I was. I was a single mom who was working and raising two kids. It had been hard, but I was making it happen – and I was proud of myself.

But after we got married? Let’s just say that I experienced a post wedding day crisis of confidence.

My group of friends changed. Before we got married, I worked for a legal firm who fought for the underdog when their religious freedoms were being infringed upon. I loved the passionate people I worked with. But after we got married and I moved, no longer was I hanging out with women who were world-changers and fighting the good fight.  My group of friends had become women who spent their days complaining about how overwhelmed they were, how their husbands didn’t make them happy, and how they felt like they were terrible moms and wives.

I went from overcomer to overwhelmed in a matter of months. And it took a toll on my marriage.

When I write and speak on marriage, I spend a lot of time concentrating on how to take care of your husband (after all, my book is called The Husband Project: 21 Days of Loving Your Man, on Purpose and with a Plan). Because, let’s face it, even the most independent man loves some extra attention. A compliment here, a tush squeeze there… (and seeing that the cabinet is restocked with his protein powder… That’s true love.)

But after years of delivering the message of loving on your man on purpose, I realized I should have been sending another marriage-building message to women:

You are your first project.

If you want to have a marriage that is healthy and growing, your first order of business isn’t building him up – it’s being a healthy enough woman to build him up. Because friend – you can’t pour out to your husband from an empty cup.

It takes a strong wife to build up a husband.

I knew I had to make some changes in order to be the kind of wife my husband deserved and the kind of woman I wanted to be. Here are just a few changes I made:

I Started to Hang out with Healthy Women.

You will become who you hang out with. I’ve seen it happen to myself over and over again. There are a couple of reasons you need to hang out with women who keep emotional health a priority in their lives.

1. Healthy women will challenge you to be healthy.  

We become our groups. If you are hanging out with women who love their husbands and are actively working on their marriages, they will challenge you to do the same.

2. You need a crew of healthy people when one of you is going through a crisis.

You send your strongest swimmer out to save the drowning man. When you’re going through a marriage crisis, you want to be around “strong swimmers” to help you through the rough waters.

I Had to Get Strong – on the Inside – and Out

Hard times are going to come – in our lives and in our marriages. But the more we can work on being strong in preparation for those tough times, the healthier we can stay for ourselves – and for our marriage.

Building Self-Confidence

When I started to look at my meditation time, my exercise time, and what I read as strengthening not just me, but my marriage, it changed my whole perspective. I want to be strong not just for myself, but for my husband as well.

I Started to Practice Extreme Self-Care

I’m a people pleaser. I love it when people like me. So it’s easy to say yes to other people and no to myself. And when you are constantly only giving yourself the leftovers, what your husband is getting is the leftover leftovers.

Now, I’m careful to put on my calendar time to take care of myself. I make the doctor appointments. I get to the chiropractor. I’m part of a Bible study. I schedule time with my adult kids and friends who make me belly laugh. These things take time, but are good for my soul.

Time invested in making yourself stronger isn’t selfish. In fact, it is one of the best investments you can ever make in your relationship.

For more great ideas to help make your marriage even better, check out my latest book: Hot Mama: 12 Secrets to a Sizzling Hot Marriage!

The Right Way to Recover From a Fight {3 Practical Tips Worth Remembering}

The Right Way to Recover from a Fight

It is not often the prolific yet down-to-earth Kathi Lipp is able to guest post for us here at Happy Wives Club.

She’s the author of The Marriage Project and a ton of other wonderful books, she speaks, she teaches and when she’s not doing one of those three things she’s wife, mom and friend.

I’m honored to have here today with some very practical advice. 

Purposing to agree to disagree or resolve an issue without it resulting in an argument is always the goal.  But when that fails…here are 3 tips to recovering quickly…and the right way.

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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It had been a rough day.

My husband, Roger, and I both had surgery within the past month, and neither of us was getting a lot of sleep.

On top of being tired and in pain, we were both feeling the pressure of not accomplishing the things we needed to get accomplished with work, kids, church and life.

And that’s when the fight happened.

No, it wasn’t a knock-drag-out kinda fight. (Roger has much too calm a personality for our disagreements to escalate.) But he felt he was right and I wasn’t respecting that, and I had a different view point and didn’t feel I was being heard.

It lead to some not so uplifting and encouraging words.

These tensions happen to the best of couples. But how do you recover when there is obviously something strained between you? Here are a few techniques that, after the initial blow up, I use to help me (and us) get back to normal:

1.    Step Away

No, this doesn’t mean stomping off in a huff and slamming a door along the way just to make sure he knows that you’re mad. (Trust me, he knows…) This means getting a glass of water from the kitchen, taking the dog for a walk, or any other tactic to get you out of the red zone to stop you from escalating the situation.

2.    Stop Making Your List

Yep – it’s easy to start tallying all the ways your husband said the wrong thing, said it in the wrong way, and at the wrong time. This is where as an adult, I need to start looking at how I contributed to the blow up. Yes- I may have had valid points, or even been in the right, but this isn’t a customer service rep who isn’t helpful, this is my husband who I love and will be dealing with for a long time. Figure out your pattern and how it can be more constructive next time.

3.    The Objective is to Resolve – Not to Win

As long as you’re fighting, no one on either side will be heard and nothing will be resolved. Start sentences with phrases like, “When you said ___________, I felt ___________.”  Or, “What I heard you saying was _____________.”  These sentences keep you from blaming, and give both you and your husband time to work towards a resolution. And a resolution is the only way that either of you “win”.

Small conflicts in a marriage are healthy – and help you practice for when the bigger issues come up. Take these three steps to heart so that you and your husband will feel closer after a disagreement, not further apart.

Question:  How do you and your husband recover from a fight (or disagreement)?


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3 Ways to Love Your Man When You Don’t Have 3 Minutes to Spare

3 Ways to Love Your Man When You Don’t Have 3 Minutes to Spare

3 Ways to Love Your Man When You Don’t Have 3 Minutes to Spare

I met HWC contributor, Kathi Lipp, around this time last year at a women’s conference.

Her personality was infectious, her love for family was extraordinary and I quickly became exhausted just listening to her nonstop schedule!

If there is anyone qualified to give advice on how to be intentional in marriage while checking off massive to-do lists, it’s Kathi.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day! 

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I just got off a week’s worth of hotel rooms, convention food and events that started right after breakfast and didn’t end until well after dinner.

Not only was I attending meetings, I was squeezing in email and phone calls and all the day to day business that doesn’t stop just because you’re on the road.

And I’m pretty exhausted.

This isn’t the first time I’ve been tapped out physically and emotionally.

I think back to the days of small children and iffy sleep patterns, or the time I went to care for my mom after surgery.

I want my husband to know that he’s a priority every day – whether I have time or not.  The watch word for keeping your marriage great when the rest of your life is out of control is one word: Intentional.

Do the things that matter most to your man and leave the rest for when you’re not on deadline.  Determine what your husband’s greatest needs are from you and then spend the five minutes it will take to do one of the following:

3 Ways to Love Your Man When You Don’t Have 3 Minutes to Spare 

If Your Husband Needs to Know You’re Proud of Him…

  • One minute phone calls Are they ideal? Maybe not, but starting the call with “I just have a minutes, but I wanted to tell you how proud of you I am about…” could change the direction of your husband’s day.

If Your Husband Needs to Get His Hands on You…

  • Schedule Some Time on the Calendar When I’ve been traveling, even the promise of some couch time with my man is an encouragement to him. Letting him know you haven’t forgotten how important it is, is important.
  • Make the Time There is no substitute for you. Instead of going out for dinner one night, could you pick up a quick bite, bring it home, and snuggle by the TV or fire? That one time swap could make a big difference.

If Your Husband Needs to Know You’re Thinking of Him …

  • Use Amazon to Your Advantage For less than $20, I can send my husband a box of Ferrero Rocher Chocolates (or any chocolates or gifts he likes for that matter) at his office or to the house when I’m traveling.
  • Texting Just a note saying, “You’re on my mind…” will bring a sly smile to your guy’s face.

What ways do you love your man — especially, when time is limited?

For more great tips on loving your man when you don’t have 3 minutes to spare, visit  Your Life. On Purpose. 


JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.