Creating the Marriage of Your Dreams (even when life begins as a nightmare)

For some, this will come as no surprise. But for many, learning the happiness I enjoy in my life today was nowhere to be found throughout most of my childhood and teenage years, will catch them off guard.

It’s a story I don’t talk about often. Not because I’m ashamed of my past or running from it. Quite the contrary. It rarely comes up in conversation because my current life bares no resemblance of my past.

The wounds have long healed and the scars are so faded they are barely seen.

My wonderful circle of girlfriends (most of whom are proud card-carrying members of this Club) joined me on this journey of life 10 to 20 years ago. So after I published my first book, and gave each of them a copy, they were floored.

Nestled around the center of the book, no more than a couple paragraphs long, they learned something about me they didn’t know.

“When I reached that part of your book,” a host for Good Day Atlanta told me during a recent interview, “I had to go back and read certain parts all over again with fresh eyes.”

“All that time, I was reading it thinking you grew up happy-go-lucky and just continued that into your marriage. And that couldn’t be further from the truth.”

My closest girlfriends all began calling and texting me one by one, as they reached that part of the book, “Wow, I can’t believe you shared all that.” Transparent was the word they used most. The odd thing is, initially, I didn’t know what they were referencing. I try to live my life as an open book so I assumed everyone close to me already knew. But I quickly realized, only a few did.

Here’s the cliff notes version for those of you who don’t already know: rough teenage years, incredibly low self-esteem, attempted suicide twice, left home at the age of 15, dropped out of high school, and the list continues from there. But that life -20 years ago- seems so far away because I decided 17 years ago that I would start anew. I would build the life I desired, the one I believe I was placed here to live, and that’s exactly what I’ve done.

My husband, Keith, had an upbringing that was certainly no dream either; a nightmare really. I won’t share much of his story as that’s not mine to tell. But I will say this, his teenage years were spent planning an escape for he and his mother from his abusive father. And once he finally succeeded in executing his plan (it took a few attempts), his childhood ended very quickly. He became the man of the house while still in his teens.

When we came together as one, we were -and are- just two people on a journey, determined not to allow our past to write the future chapters of our lives. A new chapter had begun. And this one, we could write beautifully from the beginning.

For many, holding on to the past provides a safety net. I was listening to an interview the other day of an unmarried celebrity who had been dating the same woman for close to 16 years and wouldn’t commit. ”If you knew my upbringing…” he began to tell the host. To which she replied, “Yes, but at what point do you stop allowing your past to dictate your future?”

I’m happy she posed that question. The answer is now. In this moment. It’s not easy. It takes faith (so much faith). At times, it requires some gut-wrenching soul searching. But it’s worth it. The freedom is worth it.

The marriage of your dreams is in the now. It is a daily effort to create and maintain a marriage so beautiful even the romance movies pale in comparison.

It takes consistent effort; building your dream brick-by-brick. But when you stop allowing your past to interrupt your present, something magical happens. That magic is a happy and complete you. And a loving and whole him.

I’m not sure who I’m writing this for today. It’s not necessarily a “happy” post. But I’m hitting the “publish” button in hopes that it will inspire at least one person to -once and for all- leave their past behind and spend every future day building the greatest marriage they’ve ever witnessed. If that person is you…I’m grateful you stopped by today. If for no other reason, than to be reassured that a love like this still does exist…no matter how your life began.

YOUR TURN: If your life didn’t begin as a dream, but you’ve been building the marriage of your dreams, please share it here so others can be inspired by you.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book like none other. Guaranteed.

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Fawn Weaver

Founder at Happy Wives Club

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today and New York Times bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 1 million women in over 110 countries around the world. She’s an investor in real estate, tech sector and lifestyle brands. When she’s not writing or working, she's happily doting over her husband of twelve years, Keith (and sometimes manages to do all three simultaneously).