Tag Archives: how to become happily married

5 Ways to Keep the Spark Alive in Your Marriage

Earlier today, I had the pleasure of sitting with a wonderful group of women in Atlanta as a part of my 12-City Coffee Talk Tour (I’m in Chicago today if you can find the time to join us).

What I’ve loved most about going from city to city and speaking with women in this community is being surrounded by such positive energy.

I can’t even explain how encouraging it is to connect face-to-face with women who believe in the power of love, the beauty of marriage, and the joy of a lifelong union.

During our conversation, someone said, “Marriage is hard work.” Her comment reminded me of something a couple I once interviewed said, “Maybe the work in marriage is in getting it not to feel like work.”

That led us to an insightful conversation about the difference between “work” and “effort” and how the outcome of those two things can vary greatly. I look forward to sharing more from that conversation with you this week.

As I read this guest post by HWC contributor, Aesha Roberts, I thought, this ties in perfectly as a great example of the type of efforts we can make consistently to keep the spark alive in our marriages.

Simple and small efforts that can yield great reward.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I recently read a shocking statistic about marriage in a post from the New York Times: According to research, the passion and happiness a couple feels after they say “I do” typically only lasts two years.

As a happy wife who has been married for 7 years I can confidently say that it doesn’t have to be this way!

Research in the science of love reveals that it’s really simple to keep the spark alive in your marriage. I’ve boiled it down to 5 simple practices that can take as little as 5 minutes per day.

You’re probably doing some or all of these things already, but when we do them with purpose and intention they become powerful!

5 Ways to Keep the Spark Alive In Your Marriage

1) Appreciation: Look for new things to appreciate about your husband. For example, watch him for 48 hours and then say, “I love watching you (fill in the blank with something amazing about your husband).” This will help you see him in new ways and make him feel loved and valued.

2) Spontaneity: I admit that this is a challenge for me, given the way that I love to plan everything. However, I experienced how amazing it can be to do things on the spur of the moment when my husband arranged a double date complete with a sitter in a matter of hours and whisked me away to enjoy a fun date night!

3) Novelty: Simply doing something in a new way can re-ignite the passion in your relationship. For example, instead of just going out to dinner, try restaurant hopping. Go to one place for appetizers, another for your main course and another restaurant for desert.

4) Variety: As much as my family loves the organic roasted chicken I make for dinner, they don’t want to eat it every night! The same could be said about many of the routines we have in our marriage, especially in the bedroom. Be intentional about spicing things up, especially between the sheets!

5) Surprise: This can be as simple as stealing a passionate kiss when your husband least expects it, or as elaborate as planning a weekend getaway to a local bed & breakfast.

It’s easy to get used to the things that make us feel good about being married such as routines, comfort, and security. The good news is that keeping the spark alive in your relationship doesn’t have to be complicated! Start with these 5 simple tips, 5 minutes per day and watch the love and passion in your marriage go to another level!

Miserable to Happy Wife With One Simple Change

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On our Facebook community page, more than 400,000 of us inspire one another daily through positive messages, quote memes and anything else that encourages happy and loving marriages.

But every now and again, I’ll get a message that reads something like this, “Why are you always focused on us?! Why don’t you tell our husbands how they can love us better?!”

My response is usually some variation of, “Because you’ve come to the Happy Wives Club. It’s a community of women. Don’t think there are many husbands hanging out here.”

But more importantly, as I always remind them, there is only one person we can change. When you point your finger at another, there are still three fingers pointing back at yourself. And such is life.

For those of you who are already happily married, you may not find this article very useful. But I bet you know someone who will so my request is that you’d scroll to the bottom and click “share.”

I want to make sure all those who want to be happy in their marriage, and are committed to taking that first step, read this post written by our fabulous HWC contributor, Cheri Gregory.

Until Monday…make it a great day!

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Confession: I haven’t always been a Happy Wife.

For years, I was the reigning president and sole member of “The Most Miserable Wife Club.” Nobody brought gifts to my pity parties and the entertainment was terrible!

I was sure that my husband’s many problems were the cause of my unhappiness. So I spent my days mulling and stewing over them.

Daniel had a problem with over-reacting to poor drivers. He’d talk at them while they were in front of him and then mutter about them long after he’d passed.

Even worse was his spices-should-be-alphabetized problem. He blamed me when he reached for cayenne pepper but ended up with nutmeg in his chili.

Then there was his serious lack of sociability problem. He preferred to stay home –– “Just the two of us, Babe!” he’d say –– rather than attend potlucks or parties together.

I tried for more than a decade to solve “my husband’s problems” by whining about them and waiting for him to change. I expected my misery to motive him.

Unfortunately, I was labeling my own personal preferences and expectations as “my husband’s problems”. This was not beneficial nor helpful to our marriage at all.

Have you ever done that?

Reading books like Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by John Gottman and Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs, I discovered that what I’d been calling “my husband’s problems” were not his problems after all.

They were mine.

The real problems were (1) my reactivity and (2) my reluctance to take personal responsibility. So, I practiced reframing “my husband’s problem” as

“my problem with my own anxiety when I’m a passenger and feel out of control.”

“my problem with interpreting a reasonable request for order as a personal attack.”

“my problem with expecting someone else to take care of my socializing needs for me.”

As I started recognizing my personal preferences and expectations –– and taking responsibility for my reactions and needs –– “my husband’s problems” vanished one-by-one!

With my vision no longer obscured by irritation, I began to notice Daniel’s myriad strengths and see all the positive contributions he was making to my life.

I finally felt free. To enjoy my man. To be fully present in our marriage. And to give my husband the gift of a happy wife.

The best is yet to come!

Cheri @Anchoring Hearts in Hope

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Marriage Mondays: The One Thing All Happy Wives Have in Common

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On Friday, I wrote about ten things your husband does that just don’t matter. A comment posted by Kim Hall later summed it up perfectly. She said:

“[You have to] put things in proper perspective. I think a great question to ask ourselves is this: If I lost my husband today, would I be grateful he was gone because now the toilet seat would always be down, paper rolling the right way, clothes no longer on the floor, etc.? That question really zooms those little things back into their proper perspective for me!”

What I loved about Kim’s comment is it cuts right to the heart of a particular matter. It reminds us of something Richard Carlson, PhD spent his brief lifetime telling us, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s all small stuff.

So, how is your marital perspective?

The Happy Wives Club is a community of close to 150,000 women in more than 100 countries around the world, and my conversations with thousands -literally, thousands- of them, has taught me one simple truth. Those who are genuinely happy all have this in common: Perspective.

When Keith boarded a flight early Friday morning, there was little I cared about more than his safe return. No quirk, idiosyncrasy, flaw or fault of his could mean more to me than him coming home safely.

And when he is home, I feel the same way. No flaw, quirk or difference will ever override my love, respect and adoration for this man I am honored to call my husband.

There is a great quote by Maya Angelou, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.” I learned long ago that nothing good comes from complaining. Nothing productive whatsoever.

Good, however, always comes out of keeping everything in the proper perspective. It frees us to go after exactly what we desire most, to create our happily ever after through gratitude, and to not waste time on anything that will not matter in the end. It allows us to solve problems with our spouse rather than against them.

This, I am certain, my fellow happy wives and I have in common. And that is one of the many reasons I am so honored to be a member of this club.

QUESTION: How important do you think perspective is in the lives of those who are genuinely happy? (would love to hear from you in the comment section below)

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

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The #1 Way You Can Help Your Husband After a Tough Day

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There is no denying our hubbies often have tough days at work. And these days, more so than ever before, their days are getting longer and more stressful.

But we can help.

Even for those of us who work outside of the home, and have our own work-related challenges, our days tend to be less stressful.

One reason is we know if we ever lost our job (or decided to make a career change), our husbands would move heaven and earth to make sure our families remained fed, clothed with roofs over our heads.

We are nurturers by nature. They are protectors. It is those varying traits that allow us to best support one another.

As a protector, one of the most wonderful things my husband does for me is keep the world at bay; he will only allow me to carry so much weight on my shoulders at one time.

As a nurturer, one of the most loving things I do for him is to make sure he feels at rest and peace in our home.

So what is the #1 way you can help your husband get over a difficult day on the job?

Shhhhh…

No, I’m not insinuating the answer to that question is a secret. That is the answer.

As women, most of us tend to be far more talkative than our male counterparts. It’s our nature. But oftentimes, the most loving thing we can do when our husbands have a difficult day is say nothing and just offer our arms as a place of refuge.

I must admit, I’m still working on consistency in this area. A couple months before Keith and I were married in 2003, we visited a friend in San Antonio. While in the car she asked Keith a question I’ll never forget, “I just counted 6 times Fawn gave you unsolicited advice. Does that bother you?” Ouch.

The humility in his answer is one of the many reasons I love him to pieces, “No, I actually love it when she gives me advice. Unsolicited or not, I value her opinion.”

While I was grateful for his support in that moment, and thankful he didn’t seem to mind this subconscious action on my part, I also recognized this could potentially cause conflict years down the road. From that point forward, I made a concerted effort not to give him unsolicited advice.

The beauty is, because he respects my opinion, he asks for it often. There is no person he trusts more than me and no opinion he esteems greater than mine. But here’s the key. When I know my hubby has had a tough day, I wait for him to ask.

After a tough day on the job, what your husband often needs most is your warm embrace and silent understanding. You can ask him for more details about his day later, but for now, don’t be afraid of a little silence.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

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5 Ways to Keep the Spark Alive In Your Marriage