The Best Piece of Advice for Newlyweds – Ever
I learned something quite extraordinary as a newlywed. Something I wasn’t expecting in the least. You may have experienced this, as well.
Some people -even those with the best of intentions- give the absolute worst advice!
During the courtship phase, everyone asks questions like, “When is he going to propose?” ”Has he proposed yet?”
These and other questions like them can cause a bit of angst and make you feel as though you’re not moving fast enough.
Then you get engaged and everyone gives an endless amount of advice on the wedding.
Who knew so many people would have an opinion on your dress, wedding invitations, the bridal registry and table seating arrangements?
The great thing, however, is during this engagement period, most seem to speak positively about love, marriage and the joy you’ll experience after I do.
There is an optimism in the air and it feels oh so good.
Then something odd happens. The wedding day comes around, we pledge til’ death do us part, and head out into the real world hand-in-hand; excited about our new life together.
Within days, the advice begins pouring in and most of it is…dare I say…pretty doggone negative.
Everyone begins warning you about all the things that can possibly go wrong in marriage. The bubble of happiness surrounding you goes pop! just that fast.
More than any other point, when newly married women joining the club send me a note, they recount this exact same problem. They just want to hear someone say something good about marriage – anything…anyone.
Over the years, I’ve stopped giving advice. I prefer to be more of a learner than a teacher and have discovered what works for one person may not work for another. I absolutely love giving tips, suggestions, and encouraging wives to create their happily ever after. But advice? Not so much.
The one exception to my non-advice “rule” is this one piece of advice for newlyweds. I share it with every newly married person I meet. It’s the one thing I wish someone had told me in the beginning (and once someone finally did, it was like pouring rain on the Mohave Desert):
Only listen to advice from those whose marriages you’d like yours to emulate.
That’s it. The beauty of that one piece of advice is it’s universal. It gives a couple permission to disregard all negative advice and focus on all that is wonderful and positive about their new union.
I tell them, “Let the negative stuff go in one ear and out the other. But the positive stuff, allow that to go in, marinate, meditate, and never let it go.”
We’re not telling them to live in a bubble or to pretend everything in life will always be perfect. But we are encouraging them to seek out a couple (or many couples) in their family or community who have mastered the art of love and bring out the best in each other.
In that singular piece of advice, we’ve validated their belief that happy marriages do still exist, a lasting one is possible, and it can be theirs to have and to hold til’ death do them part. And really, when a couple is newly married, what else do they need to know?
QUESTION: Do you remember what was the best (or worst) advice you received as a newlywed?
Until tomorrow…make it a great day!
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