WHAT WAS I THINKING

I mentioned in Tuesday’s post that I recently crossed Spanish immersion off my bucket list. This was an incredible feat because I’d wanted to do this for years but Keith was not a fan for a couple reasons. His main problem with me going to another country to learn the language was, in his words, “Everybody’s got at least one crazy uncle!”

With immersion, most programs require you stay with a host family that only speaks the language you’re learning. Needless to say, it took 7 years to find a school that didn’t require me to stay with a host family and my 35^thbirthday (it’s always good to use special birthdays with a bit of “pleeeeeaaassseeee” for requests that have previously been crushed). He finally said yes…with a great deal of reservation. His concern for my safety was great and who could blame him.

In order for me to leave for a month, I had to put things in order for my company and to set things up to run smoothly without me around. I knew when I returned I was going to need to hit the ground running and the days following my return would be hectic. So what possessed me to register at the local college to take a Spanish course that would start two days after I returned home? Insanity.

One of the things they tell you when being immersed in another language is to make sure as soon as you return home to figure out a way to keep studying every single day. Since I’m a bit of a perfectionist and like to get A’s, I knew taking a class at a local college would be the way to make me continue studying every day.

On the first day of class, the professor said, “You will need 16 hours each week to dedicate solely to my class. You will spend 5 hours with me, 1 hour in language lab and an additional 10 hours on homework. And if you think I’m one of those professors who talk a tough game but then give you less work than they say, ask my former students. You will need no less than 16 hours a week.” Now, I’d just returned from being away from work for a month. I couldn’t dedicate 16 hours to a class. So the smart move would be to drop the course and to try again the next semester. But I’m a glutton for punishment so I decided against doing the smart thing.

What is it about women that we think we can do everything? Men know their limitations. They go to work. Some work out. Then they come home and do as little as necessary. They recognize their limits and stick with them. Even their mothers knew their limitations which is why boys always have less work than girls growing up. This is likely what possesses us to think we can work full time, take care of the kids, take care of the house and oh yes, dedicate 16 additional hours a week to taking classes. I think God placed a little “nuttiness” inside all women. We sing, “I’m every woman” but we should really be singing, “I’m a nutty woman, it’s all in me!”

So here I am trying to juggle running an internet company, going to school twice a week, a ridiculous amount of homework, getting involved with a Spanish church and Spanish club (to continue with the immersion), spend time with my parents each week who are a bit ill, give of myself to friends and family (I have 5 siblings), keep up with this blog I enjoy so much and still have quality time with my hubby. I’ve overcommitted myself. I usually do. But at least I’ve gotten better in recent years with limiting how much of me I am willing to give.

Women are not the best at limiting ourselves. We usually feel guilty about saying no. When I first began using that fabulous monosyllabic word, I felt horribly guilty. I’d say no and then sulk for the rest of the day feeling bad about it. I still feel bad when I have to say no. But I know it’s important. If a friend wants to get together or if my family is having an event, if I have something else going on the same weekend, someone has to hear no. I need a day to rest. I need to renew. I need alone time with my hubby. Weekdays are so crazy, the weekends are our time to regroup. I can’t fill both days with events, people and errands. It’s just not healthy.

So I’ve learned to say no to other’s requests. It took years, but I’ve gotten pretty good at it. What I’m still not good at is telling myself no. I pack my schedule with so much and then waste additional time in the day. I don’t know about you but Facebook is a horrible time suck for me. I can spend an hour looking at everyone’s status updates and photos. I plan to go on and post a quick update and an hour later I’m still on that darn thing.

So I’ve made a decision, this week I’m fasting from Facebook and internet reading (I can’t even tell you how often I get pulled into reading an article when I only wanted to go online to check my Gmail). Maybe this “fast” will free up some time. I’ll go on Facebook only one day this week. Ditto with internet searches or reading the news online. I’ll let you know how much free time it gives me. Or should I say, how much time it frees up so I can dedicate it to one of the other dozen things on my “to do” list.

Give it a try too. I bet you too have more things on your plate than you can even imagine and Facebook and internet searching/reading takes up more time than you have to give. Reroute that time this week to your hubby and the kids. See what happens.

Ooh, and if you’re really feeling bold, remove email from your iPhone, Blackberry or any other smart phone you use and see how much time that frees up. I did that a couple years ago and you wouldn’t believe how much better I feel. I tell those I work with, if it’s an emergency – pick up the phone and dial my number. I assume all emails can be returned when I’m at my computer. That gave me back a lot of time (and I stress less).

Try it out. See how much time you get back. I bet the office won’t burn down because you’re not checking email from your phone. And I bet you didn’t miss anything important on your friend’s status updates. Because, really, if it was that important they’d call or text you, right? Let’s hold our breath and unplug for a week and see what happens. I’d love to hear your experience so feel free post your comments below.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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Fawn Weaver

Founder at Happy Wives Club

Fawn Weaver is the USA Today and New York Times bestselling author of Happy Wives Club: One Woman's Worldwide Search for the Secrets of a Great Marriage, adopting the same name as the Club she founded in 2010. The Happy Wives Club community has grown to include more than 1 million women in over 110 countries around the world. She’s an investor in real estate, tech sector and lifestyle brands. When she’s not writing or working, she's happily doting over her husband of twelve years, Keith (and sometimes manages to do all three simultaneously).