4 Ways Loving Your Spouse Benefits Your Kids

By Tricia Goyer on Monday, April 21, 2014

4 Ways Loving Your Spouse Benefits Your Kids

If you’ve been visiting Happy Wives Club for some time, you probably already know Keith and I do not have children.  And you also know, that’s certainly not due to a lack of trying.

Parenthood simply hasn’t joined us on our journey of life but we still hold out hope.

I mention this because the times I’ve published contributor posts about parenthood, I’ve immediately received notes from happy wives who were not mothers and felt left out.  

If that is you, feel free to click the link above for a post I wrote on this recently.  You can also read one of my favorites on this site for encouragement in this area, Happy With My Family of Two.

And if you are one of the many included in this community with children, this post is especially for you.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day! 

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My sweet six-year-old daughter, Bella, approached with a folded color sheet in her hand and a twinkle in her eye. “I made something for you and Daddy!”

I opened it and found a picture of Cinderella and Prince Charming. Bella giggled. “You and Daddy kiss like that!” Joy beamed from her face.

I’ve been married for almost twenty-four years, and I do my best to love my husband for our sake . . . but I’m just starting to understand how loving my spouse—in front of my kids—benefits my kids too!

4 Ways Loving Your Spouse Benefits Your Kids

Displayed love gives our children stability. Our three young kids love to see John and me kiss, and it makes sense. We are their world. The stability of their home, their future, and their peace depends on their dad and me. John and I love each other. We display that in many wonderful ways when our kids aren’t around . . . but our kids need to see our hugs and kisses too. They find stability from that. They find peace from that.

Displayed love gives our children a pattern to follow. Kids live what they see. They will approach relationships the way they see us approaching them. What does a healthy relationship look like? They will understand this by seeing it in us. Love—they will discover by watching—is more than just hugs and kisses, but also kind words, helpful gestures, and tender care in other numerous ways.

Displayed love will help your children understand gender differences. Men and women are different and unique. John and I display our love in front of our kids in different ways. John often grabs me up in the kitchen and gives me a big smooch. I show my love by words of respect, cooking a nice meal, or offering to run an errand for him.

When our kids see love displayed differently by their mom and their dad, they start to understand how genders complement each other. This doesn’t mean I never grab John up for a kiss, or John never cooks a meal for me (they both happen), but generally we show love in different ways.

Displayed love will help your children see the value of marriage. In a world that says marriage is an out-of-date concept and living together is now the norm, love displayed between parents is real-life evidence to the contrary. Children grow to see marriage as something to plan for and desire.

Having a positive attitude toward marriage will change a million little decisions along the way as they grow. It’ll impact who they date, how they date, and what they look for in the people they date. It will impact how they live out their marriage (even that oft times tough first year). Our children will set a higher standard because they’ve seen what to aspire to in your marriage.

YOUR TURN: What about you? What additional ways do you think loving your spouse benefits your kids? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below.

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Tricia Goyer

Tricia Goyer is a USA Today Bestselling author of 35 books who's traveled the world and interviewed everyone from crusty old cowboys to World War II veterans to discover the true stories behind her historical novels. She co-wrote her newest book, Lead Your Family Like Jesus, with NY Times Best-selling author Ken Blanchard. Tricia's a mom of six, avid blogger, and mentor to teenage mothers. You can find out more about Tricia at www.triciagoyer.com or listen to her radio podcast at: www.toginet.com/shows/livinginspired

 

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  • http://www.beingstepmom.com/ lisa michele

    this is sweet. i think showing your spouse love can help your children feel loved as well.

    • Tricia Goyer

      I agree, Lisa!! Love expressed spills over and splashes on anything in close proximity!

  • http://www.toodarnhappy.com/ Kim Hall

    I agree completely. Children learn what they live and see, and what better gift than showing them how to love, honor and cherish their spouse?

    • Tricia Goyer

      Thank you, Kim!!

  • http://www.osasandgodwin.com osas R.

    i cant wait for my unborn children to see the love between their mum n dad*excited*

    • Tricia Goyer

      Osas! That’s awesome! What a beautiful gift to give your children!

  • Ash101

    This is such a good point. A caveat though – I think the examples of gender differences here could just as easily be attributed to differences in love languages. I am much more likely to grab my honey for a big kiss to show him I love him (physical affection is one of my top two love languages) – and he is much more likely to do a special chore or errand for me (acts of service). This is a useful distinction becasue for us at least, we’re having to learn to express love in the other’s love language, rather than just chalking it up to gender differences.

    • Tricia Goyer

      What a great point! Yes, I agree!!

    • Laury

      I totally agree with you, because love can mean different things/actions based on personality, not just gender. The book 5 languages of love was so helpful not only for me connecting to my kids, but all my family members!

  • http://www.lauraradniecki.com Laura Radniecki

    Oh, this is a fantastic post!!

    My husband and I don’t have children, but if we do, I hope to keep all of these points in mind because I wholeheartedly agree.

    I also think @Ash101:disqus is right in the Love Language aspect of the gender differences. Learning each other’s love language [and your kid's love language too! - whole different topic] is SO IMPORTANT and can make all the difference in your relationship!

    Thanks for sharing!

    • Tricia Goyer

      Yes, I agree too! I’m so glad that she brought that up!

  • Elise

    What an important thing to remember. I would also add that whether you have children or not, it is important to work on and express that love always. My husband and I were married quite a few years before we were blessed with children and looking back I can see how crucial it was during our “family of two” years to develop positive habits in our relationship. It helped with the changes in our relationship once children came.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      So very true, Elise!

  • anonymous

    As an adult child of divorce, I know only too well that children from divorced homes have poorer health as adults. It actually shortens their lifespans. This is only the tip of the iceberg.

    • Pillsbury cakes

      Not true. My biological parents are legally separated and my adoptive parents died when I was a child and a teenager. And I’m not suffering any kind of depression. I guess your statement just depends on the person and their lifestyle.