The Definition of a Happy Marriage
On numerous occasions over the past couple months, I’ve been asked three interesting questions:
What is a happy wife?
What does a happy wife look like?
What is a happy marriage?
I’ve always found it difficult to answer those questions because, in my mind, there could be no universal answer where complete subjectivity is required.
Then I stumbled across a post on ModernMarried.com (its creator, Maggie Reyes, is one of my absolute favorite marriage bloggers) entitled The Definition of Modern Marriage.
For a reason I’m not quite sure, while reading her post, every place where she wrote the phrase “modern marriage,” I changed it in my head to “happy marriage.”
For the first time, I soon realized, I was reading the answer to those three subjective questions in a universal way.
Ladies (and some gentlemen), I introduce you to the beautifully simplistic words of my wonderful friend, Maggie Reyes.
Until tomorrow…make it a great day!
Let’s start with a scandalous declaration shall we? The definition of a happy marriage is…there is none.
There isn’t one way to fold sheets, or climb mountains, or be a wife. There is only your way. And my way, and his way and her way. There is no wrong way either.
What’s absolutely perfect for me – blogging, making travel plans with the hubs, having an alarm that says “kiss your wife” on his phone that makes us laugh every night – has nothing to do with what is perfect for you.
And that’s okay.
We cause ourselves so much pain by thinking and believing that we have to live up to our (divorced) Auntie’s idea of marriage or my great grandmother’s ideal relationship.
We really don’t.
What we need to do is find what happiness and integrity means to us. And then do that.
Define what love means to us. And then be that.
Brenè Brown says vulnerability is your greatest strength.
I say marriage makes you vulnerable and strong. It brings out the best and worst in you and then it changes you in ways you could have never expected. For the better.
I tell everyone I know we need to re-define marriage. Together as a society. Individually as couples. Every day.
Nate Bagley with Loveumentary.com asked me recently if I could only give one piece of advice and never write another article ever again, what would I say.
Question your assumptions.
Leave yourself open to interpretation. Let life surprise you. Question your assumptions. So you can learn. And teach. So your mind can be broken open and your heart can overflow with awe.
Question your assumptions about what your husband should or should not do or what your marriage should or should not be.
Question your idea of who you should be. What is a wife?
It’s whoever you say you are. It is your husband’s closest friend and confidant. It is who you need to be for him, God and yourself.
Savor the freedom of knowing that if you didn’t like the wife you were yesterday, you can start again today.
And the next day.
You can make your marriage sacred. And soulful. And funny. And kind.
You can choose every day to look for the love. And find it.
Marriage is a choice we make every day.
Choose to make it your own.
Whatever that means.
And declare it wonderful.
Or at the very least – custom-made. Just for you. Everyday.
Like a Love-Latte.
The definition of a happy marriage is, there is none.
What is your definition of a happy marriage? Please share in the comments.
THE BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book line none other.
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