Tag Archives: how to make your marriage better

Miserable to Happy Wife With One Simple Change

Miserable to Happy Wife With One Simple Change

Miserable to Happy Wife With One Simple Change

On our Facebook community page, more than 400,000 of us inspire one another daily through positive messages, quote memes and anything else that encourages happy and loving marriages.

But every now and again, I’ll get a message that reads something like this, “Why are you always focused on us?!  Why don’t you tell our husbands how they can love us better?!”

My response is usually some variation of, “Because you’ve come to the Happy Wives Club.  It’s a community of women.  Don’t think there are many husbands hanging out here.”

But more importantly, as I always remind them, there is only one person we can change.  When you point your finger at another, there are still three fingers pointing back at yourself.  And such is life.

For those of you who are already happily married, you may not find this article very useful.  But I bet you know someone who will so my request is that you’d scroll to the bottom and click “share.”  

I want to make sure all those who want to be happy in their marriage, and are committed to taking that first step, read this post written by our fabulous HWC contributor, Cheri Gregory.

Until Monday…make it a great day!

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Confession: I haven’t always been a Happy Wife.

For years, I was the reigning president and sole member of “The Most Miserable Wife Club.”  Nobody brought gifts to my pity parties and the entertainment was terrible!

I was sure that my husband’s many problems were the cause of my unhappiness. So I spent my days mulling and stewing over them.

  • Daniel had a problem with over-reacting to poor drivers. He’d talk at them while they were in front of him and then mutter about them long after he’d passed.  
  • Even worse was his spices-should-be-alphabetized problem. He blamed me when he reached for cayenne pepper but ended up with nutmeg in his chili.
  • Then there was his serious lack of sociability problem. He preferred to stay home –– “Just the two of us, Babe!” he’d say –– rather than attend potlucks or parties together.

I tried for more than a decade to solve “my husband’s problems” by whining about them and waiting for him to change. I expected my misery to motive him. 

Unfortunately, I was labeling my own personal preferences and expectations as “my husband’s problems”.  This was not beneficial nor helpful to our marriage at all.

Have you ever done that?

Reading books like Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by John Gottman and Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs, I discovered that what I’d been calling “my husband’s problems” were not his problems after all.

They were mine.

The real problems were (1) my reactivity and (2) my reluctance to take personal responsibility. So, I practiced reframing “my husband’s problem” as

  • “my problem with my own anxiety when I’m a passenger and feel out of control.”
  • “my problem with interpreting a reasonable request for order as a personal attack.”
  • “my problem with expecting someone else to take care of my socializing needs for me.”

As I started recognizing my personal preferences and expectations –– and taking responsibility for my reactions and needs –– “my husband’s problems” vanished one-by-one!

With my vision no longer obscured by irritation, I began to notice Daniel’s myriad strengths and see all the positive contributions he was making to my life. 

I finally felt free. To enjoy my man. To be fully present in our marriage. And to give my husband the gift of a happy wife.

The best is yet to come!

Cheri @Anchoring Hearts in Hope


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Top 10 Marriage Advice

Top 10 Marriage Advice That Really Works

Top 10 Marriage Advice

It’s human nature to want to share our knowledge with those around us. Everyone seems to want to share their two cents about marital advice, whether it’s welcomed or unsolicited.

I’ve reached out to some of my favorite bloggers, closest friends and family members to see what advice they’ve received that has really had an impact over the course of their marriage.

“Marriage is not all about ‘What’s in it for me?’  If you feel that way, turn it around, and say, ‘What can I do for my spouse, without expecting back?’  Then do it.  Advice I got from Sheila Wraye Gregoire that completely improved my marriage, from the first few days I tried it.” ~Gina Badalaty, Mom Blog

“You can’t change people. The things your husband does while you’re dating that irritate you are still going to irritate you twenty years later. People can change, but YOU can’t change them.” ~Nicole Quier, One Punky Mama

“You are not going to agree on everything but you can disagree fairly.  Discuss one topic at a time and do not over-inflate your frustration by bringing other issues into the conversation.” ~Jessica Cohen, Found The Marbles

“Don’t argue about money because when the argument is over you are still broke.” ~Courtney Slazinik, Click It Up A Notch

“Always continue to do what you did to get them.” ~Sharon Moskowitz

“Stop and think if it will be a big deal in a few days, weeks, months, or years before you pick a fight about it.” ~Elaine Dahle

“Marriage is about knowing your spouses buttons and choosing not to push them.” ~Gevenieve Blair

“Let your spouse have his/her own hobbies that do not include you. Even though you
love each other, everyone needs a little break to be themselves for a bit.” Cindy Dudas, Whatever Works

“Decide if you want your spouse to do something – or do something YOUR WAY. . .because
once you try to correct them, you may find yourself doing it yourself.” Hillary Hoch Chybinski, My Scraps

“Things get crazy quick so make sure to set aside some time to just talk, nothing else
in the background…just talk. Communicating is key.” Lauryn Blakesley, The Vintage Mom

For our honeymoon, my husband and I took a cruise to Bermuda and somehow we got roped into participating in the ship’s “Newlywed/Not-So-Newlywed” game show. It was one of the greatest – and most embarrassing – experiences of my life.

The following day we ran into an older couple on the ferry. The woman was holding tight to her husband’s hand as she gave me the best advice. “Fall in love with your husband every day. It keeps your love interesting and at the forefront of your relationship.”

I wish I could thank her now. I remember those words every day and ten years later I’m still falling in love with my husband over and over again.

Question: What advice has someone given you that has helped you in your relationship/marriage? (NEW: You can now leave comments on this page – just scroll down and click through the Comments button below)


JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.