As Featured in
3 Tips to Avoid Fighting with Your Spouse

3 Tips to Avoid Fighting with Your Spouse

When I read this post by HWC contributor, Kim Hall, the first thing I thought was “Yes!”  I have always been a true believer that arguments aren’t a requirement in marriage; quite the contrary.  

In the this post, Kim gives three things you can do to successfully get your point across without saying something you are likely to later regret.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

Email Signature transparent

_____________

Does your marriage ever hit rough spots?

Perhaps they are about time, money, the kids, or different visions for the future.

Whatever the topic, there are often times hot buttons that can set you off, and the two of you head predictably down that old rocky path to nowhere.

Tempers flare, thoughts pop out, and words burn.

Instead of traveling down that rocky path, I have three suggestions that have worked in our home to avoid fighting, and I believe they will help create a smoother journey in yours as well.

1. When you feel like yelling, speak quietly. Take slow, deep, tummy breaths, and give yourself a few moments before responding.  Hang your jaw for good measure during those moments, too. Yes, you may look and feel silly—I always do!—but it makes it much harder to feel angry. Be very intentional about the volume and tone of your voice and the words you choose.

Food for thought: If a fiery response from your last argument were the last words you ever said to your spouse, would you be grateful or regretful?

2. When you feel like condemning, be curious and questioning. Did you know you can’t be curious and angry at the same time? Being curious helps keep you calmer and more relaxed. Being curious also helps to create an environment where you come together to solve a problem rather than being at odds over it. Asking quality questions will help you gather useful information that will illuminate and help solve problems.

Food for thought: If this was a good friend instead of your hubby, would you respond with more understanding?

3. When you feel like withholding affection, be abundantly generous with your loveThis requires letting go of hurts and annoyances and remembering that your relationship is bigger than dishes in the sink, dirty laundry on the floor, or trash that needs to go out. When you are talking things over, sit side by side. Relax your muscles and take more deep, slow breaths.  Recall how you felt when you were dating, and reach out and touch your husband. (No worries about mixed signals: Remember Sheila’s post about physical touch not being a down payment.)

Food for thought: If you had just five minutes left on this earth, would that change your perspective and behavior?

All of these strategies take practice.

Be patient, graceful and forgiving with yourself and your spouse.

Recognize your habits will take time to change, as they generally have taken years to form.

Practice will never make your communication perfect, but it will certainly make it more peaceful and productive!

Question: What tips can you share to avoid fighting with your husband?

May you find happiness wherever you are!

Kim @ Too Darn Happy

##

Email Signature transparent

JOIN THE 1,000,000 MEMBER CHALLENGE: If you haven’t already done it, what are you waiting for? Join the club! It takes only a few seconds and, of course, is free.

Happy Wives Club Book

 

THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book.  I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way.  It’s a marriage book like none other.  Guaranteed.

Kim Hall

Writer
Kim Hall created Too Darn Happy with the mission of helping you find happiness in all circumstances through the encouragement of faith, the practice of gratitude, and the discovery of joy, all spun together with fresh perspectives, practical advice, and a personal touch. She recently authored her first ebook, Practicing Gratitude and Discovering Joy-30 Days to a Happier You.

Related Posts

No post found.

Recent Posts

By Fawn Weaver May 6, 2015
The Fragility of Marriage: 3 Ways to Create a Marriage Without Regret
By Christine St. Vil April 30, 2015
20 People You Should Fall In Love With
By Carlie Kercheval April 28, 2015
4 Ways to Define Happiness In Marriage

Start your day off right with an uplifting 90-second message delivered to your mailbox for free.