7 Quick Ways to Empower Your Husband
It’s not often that one of our husband’s write a post for the Happy Wives Club, but when they do, I’m always over the moon excited!
I don’t know if you’ve found this to be true, but I’ve noticed most men tend to have far fewer words to say than us wives (or is that just in the Weaver household? ). But when they do say something, they try to make it count.
There’s no doubt that’s exactly what Byron Davis with LiveYourEpicLife.com is doing for us today.
And I have a feeling if my wonderful hubby, Keith, happens to stumble across this page tomorrow, he’s going to LOVE this post as much as I did. And hopefully, as much as you will too.
Until tomorrow…make it a great day!
Okay ladies, I’m about to admit something that you probably already know - but us guys like to think you don’t (wink, wink):
In general, guys like to pretend we are totally confident 100% of the time, but the truth is most of us are still little insecure boys (just with bigger toys).
Why am I admitting this to you? Allow me to let you in on another little secret: when you demonstrate to us that you believe in us, or show that you trust us to handle things that you care about, it actually empowers us to keep bringing our A-game to the relationship.
When we know that you are in our corner it actually triggers what behavioral scientist call our “protect and provide” instincts (otherwise known as the “hero gene”) and we can’t help but to let our best selves take the lead in our life.
You see, at any given moment we can be:
a. Our defeated self
b. Our average self or
c. Our best self
Believe it or not, what you say to us carries a tremendous amount of weight. It either builds us up or tears us down (you decide). No matter how much we puff out our chest at times, please don’t forget, how you empower us makes all the difference in the world.
With that said, here are 7 stealthy ways to empower your husband without him even knowing it:
1. Catch your man doing something right: Ladies, you take multitasking to a whole new level. It amazes us men that you could be on the phone with your girlfriend, changing diapers, and doing the taxes all at the same time. Meanwhile we find it hard to locate the can of soup you asked us to put on the counter (we swear, the soup was not on that shelf when we looked for it).
When we actually get the little things right give us a high five or fist bump (don’t make a big deal out of it because you want to come across like you knew we could do it all the time). It truly does go a long way.
2. Pinch his butt: Again, the power is in the subtlety. When you flirt with your man it reminds him that you think “he still has it.” Because men, generally speaking, are physical beings by showing that you still find him attractive it boosts his self esteem and increases his emotional connection with you.
3. Thank him for his dedication to the family: While we can always do things better, when we are acknowledged for effort, and not just the outcome, it shows that you appreciate the stuff that went into making things happen. To turbo charge your influence with this tip, tie his efforts to how it positively impacts the family.
By doing this your man will feel even more motivated to increase his consistency and up his game.
4. Lob him a softball (ask his advice on something- make him feel like a hero): A super simple way to do this is to ask him a question about something he knows a lot about. When you do this and connect it directly to a problem you want solved, your man will feel appreciated and validated for the little things he brings to the relationship.
5. Initiate Sex More Often: Ladies, this is a big one. No one likes to feel rejected. When your husband starts hinting that he’d like some “play time” with you please remember that for most men there was a lot of emotional ramping up before hand just to approach you. Even if you’ve been married to your husband for 30 years, please realize that he probably still must overcome the fear of rejection whenever he asks you the big question.
To offset this simple fact, initiate 1 out of every 4 or 5 times.
Guess what? He will always be amazed and it will never get old. When you take the initiative in this area from time to time, not only does it subtly reinforce in his mind what he means to you, studies show his confidence in other areas of life instantly increase as well.
6. Quote him to your friends: My wife uses this one on me a lot, and it works like a charm every time. It’s one thing to share some advice that you got from an expert out of some book, but it’s a whole other thing entirely when the resident expert is you hubby.
Try it for yourself. The next time you are at a dinner party and you are engaging in small talk with another couple say something like, “my husband always says…” and watch how it lights him up. You’ll make him think that he’s the most interesting man in the world!
7. Trust him with something he currently is convinced you don’t: I saved the most potent, ninja technique for last. It just might require more confidence from you than you’ve given him in awhile. Look, we men get it; you are great at biting the bullet and getting stuff done. You are so good at it that in most cases you find it easier to just take it all on yourself.
You’ve learned that if you want to make sure it’s done, you’ll just go ahead and do it yourself. But, if you want to boost your man’s confidence and sense of contribution to the family, trust him to do something he knows you are a little afraid to let go of. Yeah he may have let you down in the past. I say that’s all the more reason to give him another shot.
When he realizes that something means a lot to you and that you trust him to accomplish it, it will cause him to tap into new wells of efficacy that take his game to the next level. Heck, he may even be surprised at just how good he could be.
YOUR TURN: Have any of these ninja tactics worked for you? Do you know one I didn’t mention? Let me know below and I can’t wait to see your responses.
THE NEW YORK TIMES® BEST-SELLING BOOK: It’s been described as, “Like Eat, Pray, Love but not down on marriage.” Make sure to check out the Happy Wives Club book. I had the great honor of traveling to 12 countries on 6 continents, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more, with 1 mission only: to find out what makes marriages happy…and keeps them that way. It’s a marriage book like none other. Guaranteed.
Latest posts by Byron Davis (see all)
- 7 Quick Ways to Empower Your Husband - January 28, 2015
- Increase Your Happiness by Learning to Fight Fair in Marriage - June 2, 2014
- 7 Simple Ways to Create a Marriage That Rocks - January 24, 2014