Listening Night

By Paula Rollo on Tuesday, May 13, 2014

You know the old saying “opposites attract”? In many ways, that was true for my husband and I. While we certainly have our similarities, there are many ways in which we are opposite. 

My husband, for example is and extrovert and kind of a genius. He taught himself to read Greek in less than a year, and his idea of a relaxing afternoon is studying his tremendously thick C++ computer programming book.

I’m an introvert that would rather spend my time working on my blog, writing books or reading a young adult novel. And for the record, I can’t understand computer programming to save my own life. 

Needless to say, sometimes each of us are more than a little bit bored by the other’s interests.

My husband can drone on for hours about the intricacies of his latest computer program that he’s designing. Not a topic I’m particularly interested in, but then we also have the times when I’m babbling non-stop about blog stats or social media algorithms and he’s as lost in that conversation as I am when he discusses Greek with me!

That’s why listening night, is important to us. And no, we don’t call it that, it’s nothing official, it’s just taking the time, to really, truly listen.

Usually when my husband jabbers on about something I don’t understand I give a half-hearted “mmmhmmm” and move on to something else. It’s okay, because he gives me a tired “that’s great honey” when I talk about my blog and after a bit he tends to change the topic too. We both understand, because these aren’t our shared passions, and they don’t have to be. 

But sometimes, it’s still good to take the time to truly listen. To ask questions and do your best to comprehend the other’s interests. Even when they are completely beyond your realm of understanding, like my husband’s are to me.

When I do this it’s my way of saying “I love you” to him in that moment, as I try to understand whatever has his smart brain intrigued for today. I hear the “love you” back from him as he grins and cheers with me when I break a blogging milestone or tell him about a novel that had me in tears. 

Listening night doesn’t have to be something official, (although it can be). It’s just the simple decision to put aside phones, and switch off the tv, to look each other in the eye and truly try to understand what your spouse is fascinated with, even when it doesn’t also fascinate you. 

Comment Below:  When was the last time you and your hubby had a listening night? Do you have opposite hobbies like we do, or are all of your interests similar? 

Paula Rollo: Paula & her hubby have been happily married for 4 years. They decided to tie the knot after knowing each other for just 35 days! They now have 2 rambunctious kiddos known as Little Man (2) and The Princess (7 mos). The family resides in Texas in a small but lively apartment. Paula and her hubby love to play board games, take long walks with the kids and they both LOVE the Texas heat! Paula also has a passion for writing. Her compositions have been featured many places around the web, including her own blog Beauty Through Imperfection where she writes about motherhood and strives to be an encourager through her writing.

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  • Talbrwn

    I really liked this article. It made me realize that since we have been married it has been very easy to take for granted the fact that he shares his personal thoughts and ideas with me. I catch myself saying “uh huh” so many times when I’m not even listening. When I am focused on things like paying bills and filing documents that pertain to us and our home life, I tend to not pay him any attention which is very harsh. I am the one who deals with that aspect of our lives and so it’s very easy to fall into the “uh huh” routine. What I’ve been doing now is putting what I am doing on hold- especially when he gets home and is just glad to be home. I realized more and more that I would be miserable without him and that he is much more important than some document that could wait even another hour. I do admit that we have very different interests and I get very frustrated when I don’t understand what he is talking about but from now on, I will just listen attentively and let him know that it’s OK and to keep sharing his personal thoughts and ideas with his wife. I love to see that big ‘ol smile of his- it just melts my heart time and time again.

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      So happy you enjoyed this! Paula is one of our most creative date night writers. I’m sure she’ll love to see your comment too.

    • paula

      That is exactly the trap I was falling into as well. It’s so easy to think that everything is SO important, and leave your spouse to the side when really the opposite is true! Marriage is so much more important than anything else, even when it’s just the simple things like actually listening!

  • Jennifer Reid

    Absolutely agree! My husband and I go to bed when we put the kids to bed, not because we are tired, but so we don’t each go our separate ways and tune each other out of the chaos of the day. We tune In instead! We talk about things we want to do, plans we can make or what happened in the day, and with no distractions. Now he may drift off before me, and I get to watch my Bravo tv after ;) but not until we have been a captive audience for the other xoxoxo

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      “We tune in instead!” Love that. So powerful.