Watch Closely…Or You May Miss the Best Marriage Advice Never Told

By Paula Rollo on Thursday, April 3, 2014

The Best Marriage Advice Never Told

If this is your first time to Happy Wives Club this week, you’ve missed a great series, so allow me to catch you up.

I asked four of my favorite writers, who happen to also be contributors for this site, one question:

“What is the best marriage advice you’ve ever received?”  

On Monday, the wonderful Maggie Reyes at ModernMarried.com answered that question in her post entitled The Best Marriage Advice We Ever Got.  

On Wednesdsay, the amazing Kim Hall at TooDarnHappy.com answered that same question on her post entitled Strong & Happy Marriages Begin Here.

And today, this impromptu series continues with Paula Rollo giving us another beautifully written response.  

When I finished reading Paula’s post on the best marriage advice never told, I emailed her and said, “Your post just gave me Goosebumps!”  Because it did.  You’ll see…just scroll down.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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My husband and I received a bit more than our fair share of strange advice when we got married. It wasn’t all negative, but when you get married 35 days after you meet there are definitely more than a few naysayers. 

We did, however, have many supporters and received lots of sweet cards with wonderful words of encouragement and advice. 

I can tell you verbatim some of the bad advice we got, simply because it struck me, even at age 18, that “this would never work!” Strangely, I can’t recall much of the positive advice we received.

Looking back, the most important guidance we received for our marriage, was not found in a witty one liner, or an inspirational quote about love. Nope, the advice that remains firm in my mind was found elsewhere. 

It’s the way my great grandmother would smile fondly (and roll her eyes) as my great grandfather told a corny joke that she had probably already heard a couple thousand times. 

The advice I cherish is found in the way he’d grin at her and say “Oh, but this is the way we like dinner tonight dear” when she would fret over slightly burned bread or meat that was just a hint too dry. 

The most important lessons I’ve ever learned about marriage came from watching our loved ones love each other.

From my in-laws who are two of the most loving and understanding people around, to our young friends who steal glances at each other with so much meaning in their eyes. 

If you take the time to look, you can feel the love radiating off of couples. It’s beautiful and it’s wonderful. 

Our marriages don’t all “work” the same way, but there are a few things we’ve all got figured out. Loving one another, cherishing each other, working together. Building our lives as one.

I’ve always been a person who learns visually, and that might be why I glean so much, just from watching people love each other.

I never got personal marriage advice from my great-grandparents, as my great-grandfather was already gone by the time I wed, but their lives taught me more about marriage, simply by watching them love than any beautiful words they ever could have uttered to me face-to-face. 

To sum it up, what is the best marriage advice I’ve ever gotten? To live in love. 

Live reflecting the love that you share, the love that you are building together. You never know, it could make all the difference in the lives of the younger generation as they watch you love your spouse! I know it has in mine. 

COMMENTS: Has the way that someone has shown love to their spouse inspired you? Tell us how below. 

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Paula Rollo

Paula Rollo: Paula & her hubby have been happily married for 4 years. They decided to tie the knot after knowing each other for just 35 days! They now have 2 rambunctious kiddos known as Little Man (2) and The Princess (7 mos). The family resides in Texas in a small but lively apartment. Paula and her hubby love to play board games, take long walks with the kids and they both LOVE the Texas heat! Paula also has a passion for writing. Her compositions have been featured many places around the web, including her own blog Beauty Through Imperfection where she writes about motherhood and strives to be an encourager through her writing.

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  • Michele Deleon-Allen

    Wonderful post! I too think I am more visual. I remember the status quo advice we got from everyone 9 years ago. Unlike you I was opposite in that I didnt want the marriage my parents had and that was my advice in a way. No abuse but definitely no communication. I only remember them hugging each other once or twice. I married the boy next door and never regretted. Our marriage is so opposite what I grew up with that I couldnt be happier. Now if we just get this thing called parenthood down…lol. (married9 years with 2 young boys under the age of 10)

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Woohoo! You’re coming up to your first decade married…that’s awesome.

    • paula

      Haha YES. I definitely agree on that. There are several couples in my life (most are no longer together) that I learned from, in just the opposite way! We can learn from every one if we keep our eyes open! <3

  • iyasostuff

    so beautiful… I was watching a video of Bill and Melinda Gates, and I kept thinking of how he looked at his wife… with so much care. When I observe happy relationships, especially from much older people, it’s very encouraging. Thank you for sharing this and reminding us that love can sometimes be “contagious.”

    • paula

      awww that’s so neat! I don’t think I’ve ever seen them together but I love watching couples like that too! <3

  • Karen

    My husband and I recently went on a trip to Israel and stayed with some dear friends of ours from college. The way they acted toward one another was incredible. The husband wasn’t able to come with us on most of our excursions, but every night when we would come home he would listen to her days events with the most genuine interest and supported her completely. While we were there, they made each other tea nearly every night and the way that they would look at one another and make funny faces randomly during the day was also awesome.

    But what made this experience even more incredible was the way that they actively encouraged my husband and I to be a closer couple while we were there. They had two twin beds in the guest room that were put together for my husband and I because (and I quote), “It was very important for [the husband] that you two could cuddle together at night”. Also, when we went to dinner with another couple, the husband basically assigned us seats so “all the couples could be next to one another and the girls could be together, because it’s important for the women to connect to one another”. He also put his wife and I closer to any special guests we had dining with us the whole week and made sure that my husband never left my side.

    I know some people may read that and think it’s a little crazy of overbearing, but it wasn’t at all. It was a genuine desire to create the most perfect and harmonious vacation for my husband and I that not only included visiting the sites of the Holy Land, but also allowed for quality time between one another. The respect they showed for one another and the the respect the husband had for his wife (first) and then other women (second) was very inspiring. I hope that my husband and I can implement that same feeling for other couples as well.

    • paula

      That is so sweet! What an incredible experience!!!

  • Erica {let why lead}

    This is beautiful, Paula! I couldn’t agree more, and I really appreciated the reminder to look for the ways other couples in my life express their love. My parents, for example, aren’t showy about their love at all. They’re not overly affectionate, but for the last six months, my dad (who is retired) has been taking his father-in-law (my grandpa) to all his doctor’s appointments, while my mom teaches school. You reminded me that my dad doing this is a tremendous way that he shows love for my mom. Thank you for that, Paula.

    • paula

      Oh that’s so sweet!!! It’s so interesting the different ways that people show love. That is the sweetest!

  • http://positivelyaffirm.com Elissa Philgence

    My parents never gave me any verbal marriage advice on my wedding day, but after watching my mother lovingly cooking and caring for my father and my father listening intentional to every word my mother spoke for over 35 years, at the time, they did not have to share a word with me. Their lives together was all the advice I needed.

    Peace to you.

    • paula

      That’s so precious! What an amazing gift they have given you!

  • Christine St.Vil

    I just love this post Paula! I reflected on something similar when I thought about this question the other day. And in some ways, I got nonverbal marriage advice that I knew I wanted to stay clear from and move in the opposite direction LOL This was a great reminder or how people can have a great impact on us without ever uttering a word :)

    • paula

      Yes! Very true, definitely goes both ways! :)

  • http://www.pinterest.com/jemetri MrsMetri

    Love this. Everyone thinks love works the same way for everyone – but Paula hit the nail on the head. Not all relationships ‘work’ the same. Some are passionately in love, some love softly, some are closed up and show love through action. Makes me think about hubby’s and my love… Beautiful just the way it is. :-)

    • paula

      Well said! “beautiful just the way it is” <3

  • Alexandra

    I know I’m a bit late to the party, but just came across this on Pinterest. I get married one month from yesterday, a bit young at 21 and 20. This guy is my BEST friend and has been with me for almost 4 years, after a solid friendship. My favorite couple to watch is my grandparents. My gramma was 16 or so when they got married, and they have been together over 60 years. They are so different from each other, and they annoy each other so much…. My gramma being type-A, high-stress and a perfectionist, my Grampa being laid-back, carefree, and doesn’t think he’s ever “in trouble” with her, even when she scolds him. ;) As crazy as they are and as much as they bicker, they are so in love with each other, still. Seeing my 80-something grandparents flirt with each other, make endearing comments about each other, or kiss each other (when my Grampa leaves the house, they kiss at least 3 or 4 times before he’s able to actually leave. They are so cute), after all those years…. So inspiring.
    My gramma’s advice is “when you slam the bedroom door during an argument…. Don’t ever lock it.”