12 Ways to Make Your Love & Marriage Last

By Maggie Reyes on Wednesday, January 29, 2014

12 Ways to Make Your Love and Marriage Last

I would not be exaggerating in the least to tell you that Maggie Reyes is one of my absolute favorite marriage bloggers.

She blogs over at ModernMarried.com and I absolutely love hearing stories about her and her husband as they clearly love, adore and respect one another.

The last time she wrote a guest post here and told us all to “Give some vitamin F2 every day” in our marriage, that post instantly went viral – shared more than 50,000 times within the first 24 hours.

When it came time to release my debut book, she not only joined more than 200 bloggers on a blog tour hosted in honor of launch week but she coordinated the entire thing.  I loved the post she wrote for the blog tour so much that I asked if I could share it with you. 

I could go on and on about how much she has meant to this community but instead, I’ll just let you meet her on your own.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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I believe you can have a happy marriage.  It’s why I’m a proud member of the Happy Wives Club and encourage you to join us if you haven’t already.  It’s why I love the Happy Wives Club Book and hope millions read it. 

There was a time I thought I would be single forever. Then there was a time I thought I didn’t know how to be a wife.  Now, years after getting married, I can honestly say that happy marriages are possible and all around us. And I want you to have one.

Thinking about what makes a happy wife, a happy life and a happy marriage, I finally realized it was time to write my own manifesto.

The following is my verbal declaration of intentions and views on what makes love last.

12 Ways to Make Your Love & Marriage Last

  1. Check in EVERYDAY. Asking “how was your day?” is the key to being part of your honey’s life. Don’t take that question for granted. Don’t grunt and say okay and move on to “what’s for dinner.” You married the love of your life so you could be with them every day right? Remember that.

  2. There is no auto-pilot for love. Flirt. Kiss. Hug. Remember that you create your relationship with every text, every wink, every “good morning” and every “can’t wait to see you tonight after work.”  Never stop creating and you will never stop loving.

  3. Dream Deeper instead of bigger. Dreaming deeper is asking how you would like to spend your time, not your money, and then finding ways to do more and more of that every day. What makes your heart sing? Do that. Trust me on this, it’s not the car you drive, it’s how you drive it.

  4. Forget “the institution of marriage” and remember “the family of us.” We are all making it up as we go along. And that’s okay, you are in this together!

  5. Pour love into pain as often as needed. Forgive. Forget. Let go. Move on. Love more. Open your heart to receive love when you need it too. If you aren’t sure how to receive, say so. Use your words. Listen with compassion. Believe that it will all work out in the end. It will.

  6. Remember that feeling you had on your honeymoon? So much joy and laughter and love. Feel that now. Yes, right now. If your honey did something hyper-annoying right before you read this, then just close your eyes and remember the feeling you had back then. Take a deep breath and remember that feeling. How can you bring it forward to today? Take turtle steps if you need to.

  7. Say no to negativity. No criticizing, complaining or eye rolling. Ever. Make requests not complaints. Remember at the end of a request you may get what you asked for. At the end of a complaint all you get is an argument.

  8. Keep the sexy going. Studies show married people have better sex. You are married. The odds are in your favor. Practice.

  9. Make deposits into your emotional bank account every day. Run little errands, bring coffee, take the dry cleaning. Be kind. Act like a team. Remember you are on the same one.

  10. Make space for friends. Your husband may not want to know that your favorite color of lipstick was discontinued. And he definitely does not want to know which star of Downton Abbey you think is the cutest. Even if your husband is your best friend, make time for girlfriends. They can help you keep your marriage stronger.

  11. Let go of the idea of perfection. Expect marriage to be crooked and chipped and weathered. Expect it to grow and change and surprise you. Expect to be disappointed every once in a while. It happens. Nothing is wrong. That is life. Expecting perfection is the root of so much pain. Expect largely imperfect love instead. You can write your own love story and it can be beautiful, even if the curtains are dusty and the plates are chipped.

  12.  Believe in the power of love and of that force to get you through tough times.  Love is the highest power of all.  Use it. 

QUESTION: Have you written your own marriage manifesto?

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Maggie Reyes

Life Coach, Writer + the Founder of ModernMarried.com
Maggie Reyes is a Life Coach, Writer + the Founder of ModernMarried.com. Her romantic-yet-practical approach to wedded bliss has been featured on Project Happily Ever After, Daybreak USA, Cristina XMRadio and Military Spouse Magazine. When she’s not writing, working or creating pins for her fabulous Facebook Community, you can find her cuddling with her hubby, reading a romance novel or embracing how the words “over-achiever” and “TV Junkie” can still go in the same sentence, to describe the same person. Learn how to love like a newlywed no matter how long you have been married at ModernMarried.com.

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  • http://www.aterriblehusband.com/about/ ATerribleHusband

    I love it! I think my favorite advice is to flirt. We’ve been flirting a lot more lately and it’s so fun!

    To answer your question, no, I don’t yet have a manifesto, but I’m thinking of adding one at the end of my book now. It looks so powerful. Great stuff, Maggie!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Once you add your marriage manifesto, make sure to share it with us :) .

      • http://www.aterriblehusband.com/about/ ATerribleHusband

        Will do!

    • http://www.modernmarried.com/ Maggie Reyes

      Oooooh can’t wait to read it! And yes, when I think that I get to date the love of my life for the rest of my life, I get all googlie, hence the flirting.

      • http://www.aterriblehusband.com/about/ ATerribleHusband

        So cool. It really does make a measurable difference in our marriage. So fun.

  • Regina Fujitani

    I love this! I’m going to pass this on! Thank you!

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Awesome! That’s fantastic, Regina.

    • http://www.modernmarried.com/ Maggie Reyes

      oh yay!

  • Christine St.Vil

    I just absolutely love everything about this post Maggie! I kept trying to figure out what I wanted to quote here to emphasize, but ALL of it is SO gooood! :)

    • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

      Everything about Maggie is OH SO GOOD, isn’t it? :)

      • http://www.modernmarried.com/ Maggie Reyes

        Fawn – nothing but grace! ;-)

    • http://www.modernmarried.com/ Maggie Reyes

      Awww Christine! Thanks! #Blushing After I had a moment of “well, gee I must be so cool” (ha!) I took a deep breath and really thought about Divine Inspiration and how whatever we believe in as that beautiful force of good that holds us all together is with us always and creates through us. Then I thought, well I’ll give myself kudos for letting it come through and then give it all back to the Divine place from where inspiration comes. XO

  • T Long

    You know, I’ve been struggling a lot lately w the sex side of things. I’m not into it at all. I don’t know what it is but a thought struck me w #6- we’ve never had a honeymoon. 5yrs and 1 child later, we’ve never done anything “romantic” I have been begging my husband for a romantic date night and it still has yet to happen.
    How am I supposed to keep it going when I am not getting anything reciprocated? No encouragement to keep it going? I hate feeling this way, yet I don’t know how to change it. :(

    • http://www.modernmarried.com/ Maggie Reyes

      T- my heart is with you. Here is a link to a free podcast I did about some ideas and suggestions for what to do when you and your hubby are not on the same page: http://christieinge.com/ysla-ep-7-when-you-and-your-partner-arent-on-the-same-page/. I suggest starting with the smallest possible step. Especially if you have been disconnected for a while. Look every day for something positive he did and say thank you. Expressing gratitude is the fastest vibe-shifter on earth. That’s where I would start.

    • Kimberly

      T, I’d also encourage you, so very muchly, to do WHATEVER it takes to get your desire back and to re-create a vibrant, glowing sex life with your mate.

      Men, in general, connect emotionally with their wives *during* sex… so if you’re not into it, or if you’re not having much, that’s a real, genu-u-ine issue, as you know.

      Maybe *you* will have to initiate sex. Maybe you will have to be the one to open the discussion about this with him, at a time when you’re both relaxed and your child isn’t about. Sometimes if we, the women, are the ones who are more likely to be able to start the discussion, we have to do that. Even if we feel resentful that we had to start the discussion. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? :) Maybe he *should* take you out for a romantic date, but if he’s not doing that — starting to resolve this issue might have to be up to you.

      Maybe see a therapist, talk to a trusted pastor if there’s one you’d feel comfy talking to, get recommendations for a sex therapist, go on a marriage encounter sort of weekend alone, without your child…. etc. But don’t ignore this. I’m a divorce lawyer. Trust me on this one… it’s MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY time in a marriage if the sex is not at the level that one or both of you would like. Hang in there! xoxo!

  • http://3brosflyingcircus.com/ Ringmaster

    There is no auto-pilot for love! You’ve hit the nail on the head here. This is a truth I want to always remember. We get so busy sometimes that I we forget we are flying the plane! You are absolutely right about need to continue to build our relationships and our love.

    • http://www.modernmarried.com/ Maggie Reyes

      Ringmaster (great handle by the way!) It’s a daily commitment to love and fun. It’s one of the reasons I love Happy Wives Club so much – it’s a community that is focused on the daily experience of creating a strong, healthy, happy marriage. Thanks for your comment! #Glowing

  • Belinda

    Oh, Maggie. This is sooo good. :-)

  • Annett Davis

    LOVE LOVE LOVE your post Maggie! Thanks so much for sharing what you’ve learned. :)

    • http://www.modernmarried.com/ Maggie Reyes

      Annett Davis – I want to read a he said, she said post with you and your hubby. I totally have a couple-crush on you guys! Thank YOU for being AWESOME!

  • http://www.prowessandpearls.blogspot.com/ Michell

    Great post Maggie! A good marriage takes time and commitment. Whatever we hold dear to our hearts, we should put all our hearts into, right? I guess you can say I’ve written my marriage manifesto…just didn’t realize that’s what it was, lol! Thanks again for sharing…have a wonderful rest of your week! :-)

    • http://www.modernmarried.com/ Maggie Reyes

      Michell – Whatever we hold dear to our hearts, we should put all our hearts into. YES!!!!

  • Pamela Wright

    Thanks for this Maggie – I love all 12 but especially number 9 as it’s something we strongly believe in. It always worries me when friends only talk about the big expensive gestures as the small things are so much more important – coffee in bed, a foot rub, or just holding hands as you walk down the street.

    • http://www.modernmarried.com/ Maggie Reyes

      Yes! #9 rocks! lately we have been holding hands while watching TV. Makes me feel all googlie. And that’s always a good thing!

      • http://www.happywivesclub.com/ Fawn @ Happy Wives Club

        That’s a great thing!

  • Chidubem Akinyede

    Maggie, may God bless you real good for this write-up. I really have been blessed by all the points raised here, which are all pertinent to a joyous marriage. We should also remember what Ruth Bell Graham said : ‘a good marriage is a union of TWO good forgivers’. When issues are considered from the love perspective, because issues will arise, the outcome will almost always be beneficial to the two parties involved. Also, taking our marriage vows seriously, determining to make the institution work and not taking the other for granted, will help a great deal. Oh, am I glad to be here! Extremely! This is awesome!

    • http://www.modernmarried.com/ Maggie Reyes

      Awwww! God Bless You Real Good Back! Love that! XO

      • patrick12

        hey