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3 Simple Steps to Connect More Deeply with Your Husband

3 Simple Steps to Connect More Deeply with Your Husband

OH how I love HWC Contributor, Kim Hall!  

When I first visited her site, TooDarnHappy.com, a couple years ago, my first thought was, “This gal sounds pretty darn happy!”

For some, I know that’s a turn off; they immediately assume the person is being disengenuous.  But I’m an optimist so it drew me right in.  

The more I got to know her, the more I realized how deep that happiness ran (and her passion for practicing gratitude daily).

This much I know about Kim: she loves her husband, she adores her family, she is living the life she most desires, and she’s pretty darn happy!

For those reasons (and so many more), I love reading everything she writes.  So without further ado…

Until Monday…make it a great weekend!

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Have you ever gotten into an apocalyptic battle a civil discussion with your husband about how you are being treated like a slave are not feeling appreciated?

Did you gain insight and perspective, or did one or both of you just ultimately walk away from the conversation with more hurt feelings?

Some time ago my hubby and I learned a better way to handle these situations, and we always come away feeling more enlightened and connected.

Here are 3 simple steps to connect more deeply with your husband:

1. Set the stage. Plan for quiet time together, just the two of you (no television or other distractions), perhaps by taking a walk, relaxing after a meal, or just getting comfortable.

2. Ask the question. The essence is this:“What do I do that shows you I love you?”

I encourage you to introduce it like this: “I’m curious. I’ve been thinking about the things that I do or could do that show you I love you, and I wonder if you would share something I do that makes you feel loved.

Your husband may need some time to think, possibly beyond today, especially if he feels he’s being pressured to give the “right answer”, which is probably not his true answer. Just be patient. After all, nagging probably doesn’t make him feel loved. :-)

3. Respond with loving action. . . even if his answer is not what you expected. There’s an excellent possibility he may not answer with the ONE THING that you are sure makes his heart sing. But then, that is the whole point of asking, isn’t it? Your goal is to gather quality information and act with awareness so your husband will feel deeply loved. 

If his answer surprises and/or disappoints you, this is NOT your cue to pounce on him like a tiger on wounded prey. Take a few deep breaths and get curious rather than frustrated.

Take the opportunity to share with him as well. Let him know something he does that shows you he loves you.  These actions can take many forms, such as leaving little love notes, gently touching your shoulder, taking out the trash, giving you his undivided attention, etc.

Once he shares what makes him feel loved, be sure to do more of that, and you will be delighted by the results!

Remember, it is what we pay attention to in our relationship that grows. 

QUESTION: What do you do that shows your husband you love him, or what does he do for you? I invite you to join in the conversation!

May you find happiness wherever you are! Kim @Too Darn Happy

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Kim Hall

Writer
Kim Hall created Too Darn Happy with the mission of helping you find happiness in all circumstances through the encouragement of faith, the practice of gratitude, and the discovery of joy, all spun together with fresh perspectives, practical advice, and a personal touch. She recently authored her first ebook, Practicing Gratitude and Discovering Joy-30 Days to a Happier You.

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