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5 Little Things That Make a Huge Difference in Marriage

5 Little Things That Make a Huge Difference in Marriage

Earlier this year, my husband and I did something we’d desired for more than ten years. We got married -with me in a wedding dress, him in a tux, and in front of family, friends- without an Elvis impersonator officiating the ceremony.

In 2003, we eloped. Best. Decision. Ever. But we’d always said in our 10th year, we’d renew our vows and have a more traditional style ceremony. 

Several days after the event, the photographer called me and said something that blew my mind: “I just realized why you and Keith have remained so in tune all these years; so in love. It’s your hands.”

She mentioned how every time she took a candid shot of us, my hand was stroking the side of his cheek, his hand was caressing mine, our pinkies were intertwined even when our entire hands were not.

There was a gentleness in our embrace. Most wouldn’t even notice we were doing it, she said. But seeing that, changed her marriage – forever.

I thought back to that conversation when I read this post from our awesome HWC contributor, Lori Ferguson.  If there is one thing almost every couple could use to boost their love and intimacy, it’s this.

Until tomorrow…make it a great day!

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A hand is more than 4 fingers, a thumb, and a palm attached to a wrist. A hand - your hands – have the ability to show love to your husband. Your fingers are 5 little things that make a huge difference in marriage.

What can you do with your hands?

  • write him or text him a love note
  • soothe the worries from his forehead or the sides of his mouth
  • feed him bits and bites of his favorites
  • caress (ah yes, that includes where your mind took you)
  • hold, clasp, touch, his hands

Holding hands is important.

A while ago my husband and I interviewed a couple married 53 years. They had 6 grown children, and lots of grandchildren. But that wasn’t what stood out. They were a really nice couple – hard working and kind. Wonderful – but none of that made a huge impression. You know what sticks in my mind to this day?

They held hands – all the time! In church they held hands. (My husband preached at their church ever so often and told me they held hands all through the service.) While they spoke with their friends, they held hands. All through our interview their hands were clasped, resting on his thigh. When they walked together her arm was through his, and they held hands.

Imagine. 53 years holding the same person’s hands… through every event life brings. Nice picture, huh?

5 Ways to Hold Hands

1. The old-fashioned, nothing fancy, your hand in his. It’s wrapping your four fingers around his four fingers and snuggling them securely into the clasp a thumb provides. Did you know we humans are unique?  Not only because we have opposable thumbs, but because we can rotate our small and ring fingers across our palms to meet the thumb. Because of this “ulnar opposition” our hands have amazing grip, and torque ability. When times are tough – hold on tight to your spouse!

2. Start something good. While walking with clasped hands, use one finger to stroke his palm or the top of his thumb. When sitting, use both your hands to massage his hand and each finger. (It’s OK to take the massage a bit further.) Reach out and touch – if not now… then when?

3. Pinky swear.  Sometimes it’s hot – this hooking of littlest fingers is perfect. It’s fun. Playful. Swing your arms to add some breeze. Want some sizzle in your marriage? Hook him with your pinky!

 4. SOS Clutch. Send a message with Morse code – “short-long—short-short-” is the letter “L” in Morse code. Squeeze your husband’s hand to make a predetermined positive point. Signal your love with your hands.

5. Fingers entwined. You’re going all the way with this one – no hesitancy and sweaty palms are included! Fingers entangled, entwined, with the most surface covered – you and your husband are one. No matter what life brings – make sure you’re fully engaged with your spouse.

Reach Out

Touch is a gift. And when you’re holding your husband’s hand, you’re holding much more. Be gentle. Be kind. You’re also holding his heart in your hands.

Do you hold hands with your husband? Got a new way? Leave a comment!


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Lori Ferguson is a writer with a passion to encourage. She’s a Christ follower, wife of 30 years, and mom to grown kids. You can find her online at where she blogs somewhat regularly about encouragement in marriage. Lori and her husband work with couples who lead - in business, ministry & non-profit. Check out for more information.

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